Chapter 43 – OPERATION: SAVE THE SCUMBAG

My grand, selfish plan to rescue my villain was a go.

We stood at the edge of Olvido, the forest looming before us like a wall of green and brown. The air smelled of pine and damp earth. Kenji stared at a crude map of the area, his brow furrowed with the intense concentration of a true hero. Reina stood beside me, unnervingly close, humming a cheerful little tune that sounded vaguely like a funeral dirge. Daisuke just stood there, a silent, intimidating mountain of loyalty.

“Okay, team.”

Kenji folded the map with a sharp, decisive snap.

“The rune was somewhere in the northern woods. That narrows it down to about a hundred square miles.”

I saw my perfect, lonely, power-leveling arc flashing before my eyes. A hundred square miles. Siegfried would be redeemed, married, and have three kids by the time these clowns found him. I had to speed this up. My entire future depended on his swift corruption.

“We should split up. It would be more efficient.”

Kenji looked at me, his eyes wide with horror.

“Absolutely not! Ryuuji, that’s too dangerous. We stick together. We don’t leave anyone behind.”

He said my own noble garbage right back to my face. It was sickening. Reina’s humming stopped. She placed a hand on my arm, her grip surprisingly tight.

“He’s right, Ryuuji-kun. I will not allow you to go off on your own.”

Her tone was sweet. The threat was not. Daisuke gave a single, curt nod of agreement. They were a united front of friendship and terrible ideas.

I sighed, a long, theatrical sound of defeat.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I just got ahead of myself.”

Kenji’s face softened instantly.

“That’s our Ryuuji. Always thinking of the most effective solution, even if it’s risky. Your strategic mind is a gift.”

My strategic mind was currently screaming into a tiny, internal pillow.

“So, which way do we go, Ryuuji-kun? Your instincts are always correct.”

Reina looked at me, her eyes shining with absolute, unshakeable faith. This was my chance to sow some chaos. I pointed in a completely random direction, toward the densest, most uninviting patch of woods.

“That way. I feel a strange energy coming from over there.”

The strange energy was my own will to live slowly draining from my body. Kenji’s eyes lit up.

“Of course! The path of most resistance! A true hero’s path! An excellent choice, Ryuuji!”

He said it with so much sincerity it was physically painful. Reina squeezed my arm in approval.

“I knew you would know.”

She leaned in, her voice a soft murmur meant only for me.

“You have a little fuzz on your collar.”

Her fingers brushed against the back of my neck. I felt a faint, tickling sensation, like a stray piece of thread. Her touch was light and quick. It was also a lie. There was no fuzz. I had seen her pluck a tiny, iridescent beetle from the sleeve of her dress just moments before.

“Thanks.”

My voice came out as a pathetic squeak. The search for the dungeon began with a complete lack of direction.

We walked deeper into the forest. The cheerful, sun-dappled path we had taken to the goblin cave was long gone. This part of the woods was older, darker. The trees were twisted and thick, their branches like gnarled fingers that blotted out the sun. Every tree was a copy-paste of the last one. Every patch of moss looked identical. We were going in circles. I was sure of it.

“Are you still sensing that energy, Ryuuji?”

Kenji’s voice was filled with a disgusting amount of heroic optimism. He was a human golden retriever, and this pointless walk was the biggest, most exciting stick he had ever chased.

“Yeah. It’s… uh… getting stronger.”

I had no idea what I was talking about. For all I knew, we were walking directly away from the dungeon and toward a cliff. That would also be an acceptable outcome at this point.

I felt that tickle on my neck again. It was a faint, skittering sensation, like an ant doing a little dance. I swatted at my collar, a quick, reflexive movement.

“Is something wrong, Ryuuji-kun?”

Reina was instantly at my side, her face a mask of intense concern. Her eyes scanned me for any sign of injury.

“A bug, I think. It bit me.”

The lie was out before I could stop it. Her sweet, concerned expression vanished. It was replaced by a look of cold, murderous fury. Her eyes, which had been fixed on me, now scanned the surrounding woods.

“What did it look like?”

Her voice was dangerously quiet. She looked like she was about to declare a one-woman war on the entire insect kingdom.

“I don’t know. It was small. Probably a mosquito. It’s gone now.”

She relaxed, but only slightly. The homicidal glint in her eyes remained.

“Insects that dare to touch you will be burned. All of them.”

She said it with the casual finality of someone ordering a pizza. I felt a sudden, profound pity for the mosquito I had just invented. Its fictional existence had just been marked for a fiery, genocidal end.

We walked for what felt like a decade.

The sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long, orange shadows that stretched between the trees. The air grew cooler. My feet ached. Not from actual fatigue, but from the sheer, soul-crushing effort of pretending to be a functional member of this party.

Kenji had finally started to look a little unsure. He kept glancing at the setting sun, then back at our completely featureless surroundings.

“Ryuuji… are you sure this is the right way? We haven’t seen any landmarks from the map for over an hour.”

Daisuke grunted. It was a low, questioning grunt. Even my silent, loyal tank was starting to have doubts. Reina, however, just kept walking, her faith in my non-existent navigation skills absolute.

I had to double down. If they thought I was a genius, I had to give them a genius-level answer.

“My gut tells me we’re close.”

I said it with as much calm confidence as I could muster. It was the kind of vague, unprovable statement that either makes you sound like a fool or a prophet. Given my track record, they would probably start a new religion based on my intestinal feelings.

“Your gut…”

Kenji’s face broke into a radiant, blinding smile of comprehension.

“Of course! You’re not navigating with your eyes; you’re navigating with your connection to the world itself! It’s like a sixth sense!”

The tickle was back. This time it was on my shoulder blade, right under my shirt. It was a persistent, annoying little crawl. I twisted, trying to scratch my back without looking like I was having a seizure. I slapped the spot hard.

“You okay, man?”

Kenji looked at me, his face full of concern.

“Yeah. Another bug. This forest is full of them.”

Reina’s eyes narrowed again. She looked at the spot on my back, then back at the trees, her expression grim.

“They are bold.”

I was going to die. Not from a monster or a dungeon trap, but from my own party’s relentless, weaponized friendship.

We found something, but it wasn’t the dungeon.

We stumbled into a small, impossibly picturesque clearing. A pool of water, so clear you could see the smooth, grey stones at the bottom, sat in the center. A tiny waterfall trickled down a moss-covered rock face, the sound a gentle, mocking whisper in the quiet air. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. It was completely useless.

Kenji’s shoulders slumped in relief.

“A spring! We can rest here for the night and refill our canteens.”

Reina was already pulling a waterskin from her pack. Daisuke sat down on a fallen log with a weary sigh. They were giving up. For the night, at least. Every second we wasted here was another second Siegfried spent on his disgusting redemption arc. He was probably saving a family of bunnies from a forest fire right now. The thought made me sick.

“No.”

The word was sharp. It cut through the peaceful sound of the waterfall. They all turned to look at me.

“We can’t stop. He’s still down there. We have to keep going.”

My voice was tight with a desperate urgency. Kenji’s face shifted from relief to awe. He saw my frantic energy not as the selfish panic of a foiled plotter, but as the noble concern of a true hero.

“Ryuuji… you’re exhausted. You’ve been through so much. But you’re still thinking of him.”

He looked like he was about to start crying again.

“To show such compassion for an enemy… to be so worried for the safety of a man who betrayed you… you’re amazing, man. Truly.”

Reina looked at me, her eyes shining with that familiar, terrifying adoration.

“He’s right, Ryuuji-kun. Your capacity for forgiveness is a miracle.”

I felt the tickle again, this time on my ankle. I yelped and jumped, shaking my leg frantically. I probably looked like I was trying to stomp out an invisible fire.

“Leech!”

They all jumped to their feet, their weapons drawn, ready to defend me from a bloodsucking worm. I was surrounded by the most loyal, capable, and completely delusional idiots in the universe.

My God, I have to find this dungeon, I can’t let Siegfried redeem himself.