Chapter 3 – No One Will Steal My Plot

No.

Absolutely not.

You are not going to steal my revenge plot.

Not you, Kenji. Not after everything I’ve done.

All these years of dedication.

The meticulous planning.

The sheer, soul-crushing effort of pretending to be a normal, functioning human being.

You are not going to waltz in on day one and hijack my entire franchise.

Not in a million years.

My life’s work was being plagiarized right in front of me by the story’s own damn hero.

He stood there, pointing at the goddess, looking all righteous and defiant.

He was turning her into the villain. The main boss.

If she was the villain, then the four of us were the heroes.

A team.

Teams don’t betray each other in the first dungeon.

Teams don’t leave their weakest link for dead.

They have inspiring training montages and learn the power of friendship.

That was a one-way ticket to a story I had no interest in starring in.

I had to maintain the goddess’s status as a benevolent, if slightly incompetent, quest-giver.

My betrayal depended on it.

I cleared my throat.

“Kenji, think, maybe the goddess isn’t serious about this.”

My voice was a pathetic squeak.

Kenji didn’t even look at me.

His eyes were locked on his new nemesis, his jaw set.

This required a more direct approach.

A more unhinged approach.

I took a deep breath.

“Think, maybe this was a test…”

The goddess’s head snapped toward me.

Her golden eyes narrowed.

“No…”

Her denial was quiet, but sharp.

It was also the worst possible thing she could say.

I couldn’t let her speak.

I threw my hands out, channeling the energy of a street-corner preacher revealing the end of the world.

“THIS WAS DEFINITELY A TEST!”

The shout echoed in the infinite white space.

Silence.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, turned to stare at me.

Kenji’s heroic defiance melted into confusion.

Reina blinked.

Daisuke grunted inquisitively.

Even the goddess looked completely thrown, her mouth slightly agape.

The stage was mine.

“What do you mean by a test?”

Kenji finally asked, lowering his accusing finger.

I pointed a shaky, dramatic finger right back at the stunned deity.

“Think about it!”

I proclaimed, my voice ringing with fake revelation.

“She needs heroes who are benevolent, right? Pure of heart! So what better way to ensure that than with a test of character at the very beginning?”

The goddess’s eyes widened in alarm.

She understood what I was doing.

“No, that’s not…”

I couldn’t let her finish.

I had to drown her out with my own brilliant, insane logic.

“THIS GODDESS THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING!”

I roared the line, cutting her off completely.

I clasped my hands together and looked to the non-existent ceiling as if in prayer to her magnificent intellect.

I spun back to my bewildered classmates.

“Don’t you see? She didn’t just appraise our stats! She appraised our souls!”

I was on a roll now.

The crazy was flowing through me like a sacred power.

“She presented us with the ultimate moral choice right out of the gate! Option A: abandon the weak link for the sake of logic and efficiency.”

I gestured to myself with a sad, pathetic flourish.

“Or Option B: stand by your comrade, your friend, even when it seems foolish! Even when he is, by all accounts, completely useless!”

Kenji’s expression was slowly changing.

The gears of his simple, heroic brain were grinding, trying to process my fan theory.

Reina’s face lit up.

“So… when she tried to banish Ryuuji, she was secretly hoping we would stop her?”

“EXACTLY!”

I yelled, snapping my fingers.

“It wasn’t a punishment! It was a filter! A way to weed out anyone who wasn’t a true hero on the inside! It’s genius!”

I looked expectantly at the goddess, daring her to contradict the narrative I had so generously written for her.

She just stared at me, her expression a perfect portrait of divine shock.

She had completely lost control of the situation.

Kenji looked from my wild, triumphant face to the goddess’s stunned silence.

His heroic scowl finally melted away, replaced by dawning comprehension.

A slow smile spread across his face.

“Yes…”

He breathed, his voice full of awe.

“That makes sense.”

He bowed his head toward the goddess.

“Your methods are truly profound, O great one. Please forgive my insolence.”

Reina and Daisuke quickly followed his lead, bowing their heads in reverence.

I wanted to pat myself on the back.

A crisis of catastrophic proportions had been averted.

My plot was safe from hijackers.

I looked at their trusting, reverent faces.

They had passed the test, all right.

They had proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were far too good and loyal for their own damn good.

Now I just had to figure out a new way to make them hate my guts.