Life is a Mess Ever Since My Mother Won an Ero-Novel Grand Prize - Chapter 1.3

Chapter 1.3

Three days later, after school, I was nervous that it was finally time.

Today, instead of my mother, I’m gonna talk with the editor. She already gave her my number, so it would be a direct call to my phone.

I’ve always dreamt about meeting with the editor in charge of my work, hoping that one day I’ll win an award, but I never thought I’d have to meet her in a way like this.

Ugh, my stomach is churning…

I changed my shoes at the entrance and headed for the main gate.

Hmm? What is that?

There was a black luxury car parked by the sidewalk outside the gate. The woman leaning against it, out in front of such a peaceful school, was throwing sharp glares at the students leaving the school.

She seems to be in her late 20’s, wearing round glasses and a shabby white coat that gave her the image of a dodgy female doctor.

Underneath her ill-fitting lab coat, which seemed to be a suit, the buttons were loose, and her white skin and br* were glimpsed through the gap between her breasts. Those melons were er*tically huge.

Around her eyes are dark circles that look like they were drawn with a magic pen.

A beautiful woman with such a strange atmosphere is scurrying around as if looking for someone.

The students on their way out of the school were scared. To avoid suspicion I slipped past her riding my bicycle, but I couldn’t…

“………….”

She pulled out her phone and made a call.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I unconsciously took it out, but at that moment-.

“Found you!”

“Ah yabai… Aah?”

She grabbed me, it happened so fast, and shoved me into the car. My bicycle fell over making a loud noise…

“Please let me out!”

“Oh, no you don’t!”

The woman called the driver to start the luxury car. She then jumped onto the back seat where I was, and pushed me into the corner.

“What are you doing?”

Am I being kidnapped, but why? We’re a poor family, and I doubt they’ll get any ransom from us.

“Hm? Ah! I’m sorry.”

But the woman, who had committed a crime, responded as a matter-of-fact.

“Here’s the thing.”

“… Business card?”

I took it and looked at it. “All Genre Bunko Editorial Department” it said.

Her name was Kamome Hanagaki.

Both of them matched what my mother had told me last night.

“So you’re the editor in charge?”

I had heard that she was going to call me after school, but I hadn’t heard that she was going to abduct me right after she called me.

“Yes, I’m looking forward to working with you! And you…”

“I’m sorry, I’m late. I’m Haruma Shimomura.”

I hurriedly straightened up my appearance.

“You’re Mating Press Sensei, right?”

Hanagaki leaned forward and raised her glasses to observe me.

“No, I mean…”

“You’re the Mating Press Sensei, aren’t you?”

S-she’s too close.

I had no choice but to panic when this beautiful lady came close to me, “But, um… Uh, did I make a mistake? Did I get the wrong person?”

Indeed, from Hanagaki Kamome’s viewpoint, I might be the Mating Press she’s looking for. But…

What should I do? This is a huge crysis.

Should I tell her that it was all my mother’s doing, that the “Mating Press” was my mother, and that I was born with a “Mating press” not the true “Mating press”, or should I laugh it out pretending to be someone else.

Or – Should I just keep lying?

I’m about to make my debut as a substitute writer that can walk shoulder to shoulder with the professionals so that one day I can date Rinka!

I gulped, but then Hanagaki’s phone vibrated.

“Sorry, a call.”

She then put the phone to her ear,

“You idiot! it should striped pa*ties! Being a middle schooler wearing those pa*ties is evil, pure evil! And what the heck you mean by a pushover! I’ll crush you, you bastard!”

Oh God.

Just a moment ago, she had the aura full of a delicate woman, but now sitting crossed legs, threatening like a yakuza, talking about a grade schoolers pa*ties. Just what’s going on?

Hanagaki hung up the phone with a straight face.

“I’m sorry, it was a call from another writer I’m in charge of.”

“… By the way, what were you talking about?”

Pa*ties.

“It’s a typical story, about a delinquent JC, locked in the locker of the student counseling room and is physically coached by a muscular gym teacher.”

“Is that typical?”

“Yes, it is. For some reason, all the authors I work with are disgusting.”

“I can’t help it anyway.” She shrugged.

“Any thoughts, Mating Press Sensei?”

“Uh… none?.”

“No, I’m talking about middle high school girls wearing lace underwear. Do you think that would happen in real life?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Right?”

Damn, she spat.

I’m pretty sure she’s a former delinquent… I just shivered in the corner of the back seat.

“I’m sorry, but are all editors like you? Or only you are rare, Hanagaki-san?”

“That’s as usual.”

Oh, god.

“You’re still young and don’t know anything about the industry, so I’ll tell you something♪ Writers are usually sociopaths, and editors are mostly criminals☆.”

What the hell is she talking about?

The fact that she already admitted that she’s a criminal!

“It looks like we’ve arrived.”

Our car stopped at the side of the road, in front of a fancy coffee shop.

“I’ve reserved a private room just for us. You can order as much as you like.”

“O-okay…”

It was a very writer-editor kinda exchange, but I’m scared.

We entered the restaurant and sat facing each other in a private room. At first, we both ordered a blend.

“Once again, I’m Hanagaki from the All Genres Bunko editorial department. It’s great to have you!”

“S-s-same here! Thank you for the offer, I’m… Mating Press”

I added in a whisper.

“Hmm.” She nodded and said, “I’m not sure if this is a rehash, but your real name is Haruma Shimomura, right?”

“Well, yeah…”

I mean, I wish people would stop calling me Mating Sensei… I neither teach mating nor am I a trainer.

“Haruma Shimomura… I see, you have an interesting real name!”

She nodded as if she was impressed with something. What’s a real name? Is she a chuunibyou at her age? Or is it that all people in the field of Light Novels never forget their childhood?

But she seemed to be slightly different.

Hanagaki said, “You’re quite horney down there, so Shimomura is indeed good.”

[TLN: lol 下ネタにムラムラする]

“Ha? Why?”

“Spring in Haruma means the season of love… which means mating! And Haruma’s horse means that you literally have a huge d*ck as big as a horse!”

[TLN: lol 春馬]

“Just what are you talking about? Is your head okay?”

“So your full name, Haruma Shimomura, means a big d*ck as big as a horse in the mating season that gets horny every now and then! Wonderful! What a fantastic name for a writer of er*tic novels!”

“Of course not! What kind of a talent show is this?”

I’m not a writer of er*tic novel! That’s my mother, and the one who named me… is her! My name is a curse from her!

Hanagaki adjusted the position of her misplaced round glasses.

“Please make sure you have your business card ready. You’ll need it for the award ceremony.”

“Business card… Okay, I’ll ask my mother to make them.”

A business card sounds like a businessman, but I feel a little miserable asking my mother to get it for me. But there was nothing else to do.

But then Hanagaki’s glasses flashed.

“Hou, your mother will order a business card for you?”

“Oh, yes…?”

33

“You mean you’ll ask your mother to make a business card for Mating Press.”

“Guh…!”

“How many ‘Mating Press’ for the business cards you have to make? About a hundred.”

“Can you please not talk like that?”

I mean, she’s the one who asked me to make them in the first place.

“I don’t mean to sound strange, but…?”

Hanagaki repositioned his glasses with a straight face.

“Mating Press, it’s fine, right? Anyway from now on, you’re going to present your business card of ‘Mating Press’ to everyone you meet, telling them that’s who you are. Isn’t that a very nice way to greet people? Some will be astonished…”

Of course!

“Some will contort their face in disgust!”

Of course they do!

“Women will blush, you impregnator!”

“Ah please stop it!”

I don’t want her to be my editor.

It’s just as tiring to deal with her as it is to deal with my mother.

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