Every Sin Deserves Punishment - Chapter 19: Don't Pretend It Never Happened

Chapter 19: Don’t Pretend It Never Happened

Waking up and bathing in the morning sun, I fold my futon. Taking off my sleepwear, I put on casual clothes and get ready for breakfast.

Checking the time, I head to the dining hall. I greet the other staff and have breakfast. As I move my hands holding the dishes, a piece of paper is placed on the table. It seems they’re going to have a ghost hunt and a campfire at night. Despite the playing elementary school students, we’re instructed to prepare.

There’s no choice. I was planning on doing this from the start. I confirm what I need to do and simulate the plan we discussed the other day in my head. As soon as free time starts, I’ll move alone, contact the elementary student I became friendly with the day before, and find out the target’s location.

I spot a girl with black hair. With a smile on my face, I approach her in a friendly manner. I bring up a topic that might interest her and react in a way that seems friendly.

A small figure brushes past the corner of my vision. At an appropriate moment, I cut the conversation short and turn my back to Hokari-san, the, the student I became friendly with,, and part ways with her.

“Hey.”

As I walk, a call with an unfriendly tone rises. Turning around, as expected, there’s an elementary boy there. It’s the boy who acted coldly towards Hokari-san yesterday and looked back as he left.

“Do you have something to say to me?”

I don’t bother with my attitude towards the boy in front of me. From here on, there’s no need for pretense.

“What were you talking to Hokari about?”

“It’s a private conversation. It’s none of your business.”

His small eyebrow twitches.

“Huh? It is my business.”

“It’s not. You pushed her away like a mosquito yesterday, poor thing.”

“N-no one did such a harsh shooing! Anyway, don’t get close to her again.”

The boy turns his body. His attitude, as if to say that his purpose is done, irritates me.

“I will get close to her. I’ll talk to her in a friendly manner.”

The boy stops and turns around abruptly.

“Huh? You, you’re a lolicon, aren’t you!”

“I’m not a lolicon.”

“Liar!”

“You’re so persistent. Don’t worry, I won’t take that girl away from you.”

“H-Hokari’s doesn’t right now!”

The boy’s face turns red like a ripe apple. He’s still young, and he expresses his emotions easily with a little provocation. The feeling of superiority that comes with having someone in the palm of your hand. That devil must have been feeling this way as she played with me and Nakiri.

I take a step forward, and the boy’s body twitches.

“W-What’s with yoy, pudding head? You wanna fight?”

“I’m not a pudding head. Call me Ichigaya-san.”

“You’re forcing me to use ‘san’?”

“It doesn’t matter how you call me. But tell me, why do you act coldly towards Hokari-san? She’s a good girl, and it’s sad to see that happen to her.”

“It’s none of your business.”

The boy turns his face away.

It’s none of my business, that’s true. I’m here as a volunteer staff member. Once my duty is over, that’s the end of our relationship. It’s not my business how they walk their path of youth.

Still, I can’t leave them alone. I don’t want to.

“It is my business. I can see your future.”

Embarrassment makes my body temperature rise. If I were to say this in front of someone like Sada-san, I would undoubtedly be labeled as a chuuni. I wish I could disappear into a hole.

“You can see the future? Are you serious?”

“I am.”

“Then show me a prediction.”

“I can’t do that. I’m not a psychic.”

“So it was a lie.”

“It’s not a lie. I’ll prophesize, you will absolutely regret this if you continue like this.”

“How can you say that to me?”

“Because I’m regretting it. You and I are very similar.”

“Similar? How so?”

“I also had a female friend who was my childhood friend.”

The suspicious gaze subsides.

“…. So you also had someone like Hokari?”

“Yeah, I did. We built sandcastles together, competed in tests and races.”

“You two were really close. What happened to that childhood friend?”

“We became strangers.”

I hear the sound of someone swallowing. The boy’s fingers curl tightly.

“Did you two have a fight?”

“Something worse than that. It started with a small misunderstanding. I didn’t even try to confirm the truth, and I did something that a human being shouldn’t do. Even though we spent a long time together, I couldn’t fully trust my childhood friend. My lack of courage destroyed an important relationship. It was my fault.”

Silence fills the room. Even though he’s a mischievous child, he probably realized that this isn’t a topic to joke about. I sincerely hope that’s the case.

“Do you hate Hokari-san?”

The boy shakes his head from side to side.

“I don’t hate her. But if I get close to her, my friends will tease me.”

“So you’d rather ignore her and stay with those ‘friends’?”

“I-I’m not ignoring her…”

The boy’s gaze wanders. It’s a lie, nine times out of ten. Even an amateur can tell from this obvious reaction.

It’s okay. If he’s aware of it, even unconsciously, he can still be helped.

“Even if you don’t mean to, Hokari-san might think otherwise. If you push her away like that, she’ll get tired of it someday. You know?”

“If she leaves because I push her away, then it means that’s the extent of our relationship.”

“Then can you approach those three friends of yours with patience, even if they reject you? Can you imagine how much courage it would take to do that?”

The answer is already known without asking. This boy can’t do it. He’s afraid of being left out more than anything. That’s why he pushed away his childhood friend to protect his place. Deep down, he’s probably relying on the fact that Hokari-san will forgive him.

But that’s not okay. Just like how I couldn’t bear the bullying and became depressed, hearts, even though they’re invisible, will surely wear down. I don’t know what shape Hokari-san’s heart will be in by the time things settle down for the boy.

Now is the time. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but their watershed moment is here.

“What do you mean… Am I at fault? Is that what you’re saying?”

“You know that better than anyone.”

“Don’t talk like you know everything! How can you understand how I feel when my friends tease me?!”

“I understand. I told you, I also had a childhood friend. I didn’t push her away like you did, but in a way, it’s the same thing. You’re at a crossroads, just like I was. You can become like me or not.”

“You’re giving me a lecture, putting your own failures on a pedestal. You’re so lucky.”

“Say whatever you want. I’m not your parent or teacher, and you’re the one who makes the final decision. But is it okay? Hokari-san, who tries to maintain her relationship with you even when she’s treated coldly. On the other hand, your ‘friends’ who are having fun trying to break you two up. It’s obvious which one will enrich your life, isn’t it?”

“Don’t talk to me like that! They’re not my ‘friends’! They’re–”

“To me, they look like your ‘friends’!”

Unintentionally, my voice carries more passion. The boy shakes his body pitifully. Although I feel a sense of guilt, if I apologize here, I won’t be able to say what I want to say. I continue speaking, driven by momentum.

“You’re still kids! You don’t understand what you’re doing, and you can’t take responsibility for your actions. I’ll tell you this: even if Hokari-san leaves you, they won’t take responsibility. In fact, a few years later, they might confess their feelings to her, and she might become their girlfriend. That’s the reality, this is the kind of world we live in! At that time, will you be able to hate your friends without resentment? Will you be able to silently watch from behind as that girl laughs with someone else? I couldn’t do it. I hated the root cause, I hated and despised myself for doubting my childhood friend, and I regretted it! Do you want to become like me? Do you hope to live every day regretting your actions?”

The boy lowers his eyes. After a moment of silence, his small fingers curl tightly. He’s probably imagining Hokari-san walking side by side with another boy. And it was one of the three who pushed Hokari-san away and was laughing happily with her.

“Hey, please. Don’t pretend my mistake never happened. Let me believe that my life full of mistakes had some meaning.”

My voice trembles pitifully. Driven by impulse, I bow my head. It sounds like a child who’s about to cry, but I don’t feel a shred of shame. I unleash my regrets and pleas onto the boy in front of me. Nothing else matters right now.

“Okay.”

There’s an answer. I slowly raise my face.

The boy raises the corners of his mouth in a cheeky manner.

“Fine, I’ll do it. I’ll give meaning to your life.”

It worked. There’s a sense of relief.

“…. Thank you.”

Tension eases, and my mouth relaxes.

The boy is saved, but my reality remains unchanged. But the boy in front of me is saved from the same mistake I made. A future that could have been ruined by a trivial misunderstanding can be avoided now.

Suddenly, I remember what happened at the entrance. Back when I was still thinking about revenge, there was a time when I ran into Nakiri, who was leaving early. On the way back, she said she could give advice about a breakup. I wonder if my childhood friend had the same feelings as I do now. If so, that would be nice.

“If we’re done here, I’ll be on my way.”

“Yeah, sorry for taking up your time.”

“It’s fine. See ya.”

The boy turns his back and runs away. The small figure disappearing in the distance looks strangely large to me.

◇

The night curtain falls. The celestial body that illuminated the earth sets, and the landscape of trees sinks into the darkness. Smoke rises into the night sky. The red flame flickers, fueled by the dry trunk, and pierces the night darkness. Small boys and girls surround the blazing flame, holding hands and taking steps. Among them are Hokari-san and the boy. The sight of their smiling and shy faces is heartwarming.

“Those kids made up. I’m so glad!”

Kanase-san spreads her voice, which sounds stretched. She was angry with the boys’ group yesterday, but she’s completely calm, as if she’s forgotten being called an old woman.

Sada-san clenches his hands tightly.

“That guy… he’s holding hands with such a cute girl, leaving us behind… I’m so jealous and envious and angry!”

“Getting so envious of an elementary student … .Why don’t you get a girlfriend, Sada?”

“Shut up!”

Ignoring Sada-san, who raises his voice, Kanase-san smiles at me.

“That was thanks to you, Ichigaya-san, right? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. The boy did it on his own.”

To change things, one must take action on their own. I only presented the worst-case scenario. It was the boy, dancing with his back to the fire, who moved out of fear. There’s no one else who deserves praise.

“Come on, don’t say that. That boy wouldn’t have approached Hokari-san on his own. It was obvious that he wasn’t in the mood for that.”

“You can tell?”

“I can. I was often bullied by boys too.”

It’s unexpected. I thought Kanase-san was a carefree type who didn’t pay attention to her surroundings. She seems like a fluffy cloud, but maybe her roots are stronger than they appear.

“Hey, why did you participate in this volunteer work?”

“Is there any other reason besides earning credits for my school record?”

“Then, you’ve already done enough, Ichigaya-san. Those kinds of misunderstandings are everywhere. If you intervene in every one of them, it’ll never end.”

I don’t deny it. That’s also true. There are probably many Dark Empaths like Sougo in society, without us even knowing. Even a relationship that once swore eternal love, like my parents, can break apart. Tragedies like these are rampant in the world.

Still, society doesn’t stop. Just like the sun rises and sets every day, people walk their paths, and the world keeps turning. No matter how much my heart hurts, others live their lives without caring about me. Then it’s a waste to dwell on it. Kanase-san, who sings this, is not wrong.

“But I couldn’t leave those two alone. Isn’t that enough reason to intervene?”

“You’re so kind, Ichigaya-san.”

“Don’t say that. I’m not like that.”

I turn my face away, unable to bear it. I only used that boy. There might have been a better encounter in the future for the two of them, but I crushed that possibility with my ego. I involved two children in my self-satisfaction, just so I could believe that my life full of mistakes had some meaning. It’s wrong for such a scum to be called kind.

Kanase-san takes out her smartphone.

“Ichigaya-san, do you want to exchange contact information?”

“Sorry, I don’t like those kinds of apps.”

“That’s a shame. Well, from now on, I’d be happy if we could be friends.”

I respond with a smile.

I don’t say anything. My body is waiting for judgment. The act I committed against Nakiri is something that should be spat upon. I must receive punishment for having stained my hands. But my situation is what it is. If someone who knows me sympathizes with me, they might blame Nakiri, who will eventually be denounced. Rather than inviting such a situation, I’d rather have any more friends. I will bear my sins and receive my punishment alone. That’s the happy ending for someone who has committed a mistake.

I look up at the night sky, following the rising smoke. At least, I pray without words, hoping for happiness in the future of the boy and girl whose shadows fall on the ground.