Chapter 27 – Divine Panic Attack

Zephyrus was having the worst millennium of his immortal life.

The celestial palace that usually brought him peace now felt like a prison. Marble columns stretched toward infinity, clouds drifted through arched doorways, and the ambient glow of divine energy bathed everything in soft gold. None of it helped. His hands shook as he paced back and forth across the star-mapped floor, leaving scorch marks where his anxiety literally burned through reality.

The Divine Monitor floated before him, a massive crystalline screen showing real-time footage from Eldoria.

He’d been watching Alfred. He couldn’t stop watching Alfred. It was like witnessing a slow-motion catastrophe where every frame revealed new horrors. His finger hovered over the playback button, trembling.

(Do I really want to see it again? Do I really want to relive the moment everything went wrong?)

He pressed play anyway.

The footage showed the Cave of Whispers incident in crystal clarity. Alfred walking into the Boss Room. The Giant Skeletal Lich roaring. And then, impossibly, the ancient undead horror ripping off its own arm and offering tribute. Gold scattered. Artifacts changed hands. The Lich crying in the corner while Alfred stood there looking mildly confused and holding the Crown of the Netherworld.

Zephyrus paused the image on Alfred’s face.

“I sent him there to be a normal hero! A regular protagonist! Fight monsters, save villagers, maybe get a girlfriend!”

His voice echoed through the empty palace.

“Why is he collecting undead vassals?! Why is he wearing a Cursed Crown like a party hat?!”

He rewound and watched again. The Lich’s surrender. The psychological breakdown. The complete and total domination without Alfred even trying.

(If the High Council finds out I accidentally created a new Demon King in a neighboring dimension, I’m going to lose my pension. I’ll be demoted to God of Pebbles. Or worse—God of Taxes.)

Zephyrus pulled up earlier footage. The duel with Cedric. The massage session with Seraphina that he’d had to censor with black bars because it got uncomfortably intimate. The creation of Chompy, the carnivorous plant that now had a cult following among the Gardening Club.

“It’s been three weeks! Three weeks and he’s already assembled a private army, traumatized half the faculty, and turned agriculture into a weapon!”

He grabbed a celestial pillow and screamed into it.

The sound didn’t help.

A shimmer of light announced Luna’s arrival. Her holographic projection materialized in the center of the room, lounging in midair like she was on an invisible couch. She popped a celestial grape into her mouth, the fruit sparkling with condensed starlight.

“Yo, Boss. Got your summons. What’s up?”

Her tone was aggressively casual.

Zephyrus spun to face her, eyes wild.

“What’s up? What’s up?! Have you seen what he’s doing down there?!”

He gestured frantically at the monitor.

Luna glanced at the screen, still showing Alfred with the crown.

“Oh yeah, the dungeon thing. That was hilarious. The Lich is still in therapy.”

She tossed another grape into her mouth.

“Therapy? The Lich is in therapy because of my human!”

Zephyrus’s hair, normally perfectly styled, stood on end with divine panic.

Luna shrugged.

“Your human is doing great. The locals love him. Or fear him. Same thing, really.”

“It’s not the same thing! Love and fear are completely different emotional responses!”

Zephyrus pulled up a chart on the monitor, showing Alfred’s reputation metrics.

“Look at this! His intimidation factor is off the charts! His actual friendliness rating is in the negatives because nobody believes he’s genuinely nice!”

“Sounds like a personal problem for them.”

Luna examined her nails with exaggerated disinterest.

Zephyrus felt his divine blood pressure spike to dangerous levels.

“Luna, I need you to fix this. This is a direct order. You need to mitigate his influence! Dampen his aura! Make him less threatening!”

Luna’s eyes sparkled with mischief.

“Got it. Make him more mysterious and unreachable. Great idea, Boss.”

“No! That’s the opposite of what I said!”

Zephyrus’s voice cracked.

“Less mysterious! More approachable! I want him to make friends, not terrify entire kingdoms into submission!”

“Right, right. So increase the legend, make people even more afraid to approach casually. Create distance through reputation. Solid strategy.”

Luna gave him a thumbs up.

“Are you doing this on purpose?!”

“Doing what? I’m just following orders.”

Her innocent expression was anything but.

Zephyrus turned back to the monitor, pulling up live footage. Alfred was currently in the cafeteria, eating lunch. Students gave him a ten-foot radius of empty space. He sat alone, looking slightly sad while munching on a sandwich.

(At least he’s not causing chaos right now. At least he’s just eating like a normal—)

Alfred sneezed.

The force of it, combined with his protagonist-level constitution, created a shockwave. The cafeteria windows rattled. Trays jumped on tables. And in the background, visible through the window, the old fortress wall that had been scheduled for demolition suddenly collapsed in a cloud of dust.

It was termites. The wall had been infested for months. The timing was pure coincidence.

But on camera, it looked like Alfred had sneezed down a fortress.

Zephyrus grabbed the pillow and screamed again, longer this time.

“That’s not even possible! Sneezes don’t work that way! Physics doesn’t work that way!”

Luna leaned closer to the screen, grinning.

“Okay, that one was actually just bad timing. But you gotta admit, it looked cool.”

“Cool?! Cool?! He just destroyed infrastructure with a sneeze! Do you know what the insurance claims are going to look like?!”

“Probably pretty funny.”

Luna pulled out a bag of celestial popcorn from nowhere.

Zephyrus paced faster, his footsteps leaving small craters in the cloud floor.

“This is out of control. He was supposed to live quietly. Be happy. Stay out of trouble. Instead he’s building a reputation as the second coming of the apocalypse!”

“In his defense, he’s not trying to do any of this.”

Luna munched thoughtfully.

“That makes it worse! If he was doing it on purpose, I could stop him! But he’s genuinely trying to be nice and somehow that makes everything more terrifying!”

Zephyrus pulled up a compilation video he’d made. Alfred helping an old lady cross the street while three knights fainted in the background. Alfred donating to charity while the charity workers fled. Alfred smiling at a child who immediately burst into tears.

“Look at this! Every good deed gets misinterpreted! Every kind gesture looks like a threat! How is this my life?!”

(I was supposed to be the God of Earth. Manage seasons, oversee harvests, approve natural disaster permits. Easy job. Comfortable job. Now I’m babysitting a walking PR nightmare.)

Luna floated upside down, hair defying gravity.

“You’re being dramatic. Alfred’s fine. Everyone’s fine. Well, mostly fine. The Lich might need a few more sessions, but—”

“The Lich isn’t my jurisdiction! Alfred is! And he’s turning into the most feared individual in Eldoria despite being literally the nicest person I’ve ever monitored!”

Zephyrus’s voice had gone shrill.

Luna’s expression softened slightly, almost sympathetic.

“Look, Boss. You wanted him happy, right? Away from Earth where he was lonely?”

“Yes, but—”

“He’s happy. He joined a club. He has people who talk to him, even if they’re terrified. He’s got a pet plant. He’s living his best isekai life.”

She gestured at the screen where Alfred was now petting Chompy in the greenhouse.

“The fact that everyone thinks he’s a dark lord is just a minor detail.”

“Minor?! The kingdom is preparing evacuation plans!”

“Evacuation plans they’ll never need because Alfred isn’t actually dangerous.”

Luna did a lazy barrel roll in the air.

“You’re overthinking this. Just let it play out. It’ll be fine.”

“You said that three weeks ago and now he owns a Crown of the Netherworld!”

“Which he tried to give away because he thought it was too heavy. The boy has no material desires. That’s adorable.”

Luna smiled fondly.

Zephyrus wanted to argue but couldn’t find the words. He slumped into his throne, defeated.

“Just… please. Try to minimize the damage. No more cursed artifacts. No more undead vassals. No more accidentally conquering things.”

“Sure thing, Boss. I’ll keep up the good work.”

Luna gave a sloppy salute.

“That’s not what I—”

She winked out, hologram vanishing mid-sentence.

Zephyrus sat in the sudden silence, contemplating his choices. Maybe he should’ve just left Alfred on Earth. Sure, the kid was lonely, but at least he wasn’t collecting legendary artifacts and making dungeon bosses cry.

A soft chime interrupted his thoughts.

He looked up. A red light blinked on the Divine Console, pulsing with urgency. The alert read: “Unauthorized Dimension Breach – Earth Portal.”

Zephyrus frowned.

(Wait… if the door is still open… who else is trying to get through?)

He pulled up the portal monitoring system. The gateway between Earth and Eldoria, the one Alfred had stumbled through, was still active. Barely, but active. And someone was trying to access it from the Earth side.

The energy signature was human. Young. Female. And absolutely obsessed.

Zephyrus zoomed in on the readings. The signal came from Alfred’s old school, specifically from the clubroom. Someone had found the door. Someone was trying to follow.

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no.”

He pulled up Earth-side cameras.

A girl stood in front of the glowing door, phone in hand, showing a photo of Alfred. Her other hand reached toward the light, fingers trembling with determination. Her eyes had the glazed look of someone who’d decided that logic was optional.

“Please be a coincidence. Please just be curious. Please don’t be what I think you are.”

Zephyrus enhanced the audio.

The girl whispered to herself, practicing words.

“I’ll find you, Alfred. I’ll tell you how I feel. I’ll finally confess. You can’t escape to another world without hearing me say it.”

Zephyrus’s divine heart sank.

(A yandere. It’s a yandere. He’s going to get a yandere stalker from Earth. This is the worst timeline.)

The red light pulsed faster, matching a heartbeat. An obsessed, determined, absolutely unhinged heartbeat.

The girl stepped closer to the portal. Her hand touched the light. The gateway responded, pulling her in.

Zephyrus watched in horror as she vanished from Earth and materialized in Eldoria, tumbling onto grass near the capital city. She stood up, brushed herself off, and pulled out her phone again. Alfred’s photo lit up her screen like a shrine.

“Alfred… I’m coming for you.”

Her smile was sweet and terrifying in equal measure.

Zephyrus buried his face in his hands.

“Luna. Luna, please tell me you’re seeing this.”

No response.

He pulled up her location. She was napping on a cloud, completely checked out.

“Of course she is. Of course.”

The monitor split into two screens. Left side showed Alfred, innocently studying in the library. Right side showed the new arrival, asking random citizens if they’d seen a boy with black hair and a stern expression. Citizens pointed toward the academy with shaking hands.

“This is fine. Everything’s fine. What’s one more misunderstanding added to the pile?”

Zephyrus laughed, slightly unhinged.

The red light continued blinking.

A very obsessed heartbeat.

Getting closer to its target with every step.