【023】Corruption

【Nakano Nanaka】

It was raining.

I’d forgotten my umbrella. I was getting soaked on the way home.

Even so, I didn’t care about getting wet. The same words kept spinning around and around in my head.

—No matter how you dress it up, no matter how much you talk about love. In the end, nothing you did is right.

I don’t think I’m doing the right thing.

I’m just doing what I want to be with Misa-kun.

I don’t think it’s right.

For Misa-kun’s sake, I can do anything.

—You’re wrong.

Wrong?

My actions?

Even though it’s all for love.

…No, murder is evil.

If it’s evil itself, then I must be judged.

No no, I did the right thing.

For Misa-kun.

I did the right thing.

…No, really?

Can I say with confidence that it’s right?

If I think it’s right, why hide it?

Why did I kidnap Inoue? Why am I agonizing?

Because I know I’m not right, don’t I?

Is my love ultimately only worth that much?

Am I wrong?

—Throb.

No, I’m not wrong.

I can’t be wrong.

All my actions are to create a world with just Misa-kun and me. Inoue Reina tried to destroy that. Tanaka Akio insulted his family. What’s wrong with killing them?

—Throb.

Did I need to kill them?

Weren’t there plenty of ways to handle it without killing?

Wasn’t it just the impulse inside me that made me do it? Am I just using Misa-kun as an excuse?

—Throb. Throb. Throb.

I’m not wrong.

◇

Before I knew it, I was in front of Misa-kun’s house. Drip, drip—a puddle was forming where I stood.

I pressed the doorbell.

Footsteps pattered, and the door opened.

“Nanaka-san!”

Misa-kun came out.

“Whoa, you’re soaking wet! Come inside quickly.”

Misa-kun invited me in.

He immediately prepared a bath for me, and I got in.

“U-um, Nanaka-san…”

Misa-kun’s shadow was at the bathroom door.

“Yes?”

“…Something happened, didn’t it?”

Misa-kun’s words were filled with certainty.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s just, well, I’m on your side, Nanaka-san.”

Ah, what a kind person.

When I should be someone who deserves blame.

I even broke our dinner promise.

Everything is just the worst now.

“Hey, Misa-kun.”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

“…Yeah.”

I’m probably a wrong existence.

That can’t be helped anymore.

I’m not wrong.

I have no regrets.

For the sake of my love with Misa-kun.

…For love?

Did I kill people for love?

Ahaha, I wonder why—it’s contradictory.

No, that’s exactly who I am.

When I got out of the bath, I stood in front of the sink. A sweatshirt and long pants were placed beside me.

Without changing, I headed to Misa-kun’s room.

“Oh, Nanaka-san, you’re out of the ba—th!?”

Misa-kun looked at me in shock.

A moment later, his cheeks flushed red and he looked away.

“W-wait, Nanaka-san…!? Your clothes!? I prepared them for you!?”

I hugged the flustered Misa-kun from behind.

“—!!”

“Hey, Misa-kun.”

“Y-yes…”

“Misa-kun, you love me, right?”

“…? Nanaka-san?”

“Actually, me being like this—you don’t find it annoying, do you? Dating me isn’t just because you’re kind, right?”

I’m asking in an unfair way.

If I ask like that, of course Misa-kun will say no.

I know that when I’m asking.

The unfair part of me is making me ask this way.

I’m starving for love.

“…No. That’s not it.”

Misa-kun denied it.

“I… truly love you, Nanaka-san.”

“Then…”

I pressed my chest against him.

I could feel my heartbeat faster than usual. I could hear Misa-kun’s heartbeat too. Ba-dump, ba-dump. Fast. Misa-kun is nervous too.

“—Prove it to me?”

Deeper and deeper.

We’re falling.

It doesn’t have to be right.

It can be wrong.

I’ll just keep loving Misa-kun.

For that, I’ll do anything.