Chapter 4 Part 3 – “I…can no longer suppress my feelings…”

Translator: Chaos

Editor: Riciel

“Yeah…That’s the only person I’ve had in my mind for a long time. Do you remember him, Minato-kun? The boy who saved me when I was in kindergarten, when I was all alone.”

I nodded back silently. How could I forget the story Riko had shared with me? The boy was her hero, who had appeared in her childhood memories that Riko had told me before we had started living together. [EN: This author… that talk didn’t occur in any previous chapters.]

“You don’t really love him, do you? That was in kindergarten, right? Do you mean you liked him like a childhood friend?”

I asked, wondering if such a relationship existed in real life, and Riko smiled while denying it.

“As soon as I graduated from kindergarten, my father had to move overseas for his job, so I never saw him again. That was until I came back to Japan as a junior high school student. – He was just as kind as he had been when I was a kid. When I saw him smile with a little shyness, my heart was filled with joy. … I thought to myself, ‘Oh, I’ve been in love with this guy since I was five years old’. That’s how I realized my feelings.”

“… Ah, yeah, I see.”

I struggled to hide my shock, and could barely keep a wry smile on my face. I had thought, shallowly, that I might be the one that Riko liked. But that hope was dashed in an instant with her words.

At the same time as I realized this, I was struck with fierce pain.

What is this…?

For the first time in my life, I experienced such an extreme shock in my chest.

The blood drained from my body, and I lost all sense of the ground.

I can’t believe that just knowing that the girl in front of me has someone else she likes can make me feel so torn…

Even I can see that.

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, and it’s definitely love I have for her.

The fact that the pain of heartbreak makes you more aware of your feelings is very typical of a beginner in love.

I can barely remember anything from there. As I recall, I put together a few words that I didn’t understand and ran into my room, leaving a confused Riko behind…

I was so shocked that my memory was fuzzy.

◇◇◇

In the days since, I haven’t been able to look at Riko’s face properly. If she talks to me, I’ll have a normal conversation with her, but I can’t look at her like I used to, and because of this, I often rushed to my room right after dinner.

And this evening, I was killing time in my room as well.

“… Bored to death.”

Before, my life alone was normal. Now, I’ve learned to enjoy spending time with Riko, and I can’t help but feel like having a little too much time on my hands.

“Huh…, let’s head to a convenience store.”

I muttered to myself and stood up. The moment I stepped out into the hallway, the door to the room across from me opened as if I had timed it just right.

“Minato-kun?”

I couldn’t help but be startled.

Riko’s face peeked through the crack in the door, and after a moment of hesitant silence, she said, her voice trembling.

“You’re avoiding me…, aren’t you…?”

” Oh, no! No, no, no, that’s not true…!”

“… Lies.”

With big eyes, Riko glared at me accusingly. It’s not fair you look so cute like that. And it’s a shame that you like someone else while charming me so much.

Ugh.

I’m sorry, my heart hurts…

I’m going to get teary-eyed.

“… Minato-kun, I-”

“I’m sorry! I’m going to the convenience store…!”

“Oh…”

I’m sorry, Riko.

… I’m still not in a condition to talk to you with a straight face.

Knowing full well that I was pathetic, I slipped past her and ran away.

◇◇◇

– Then an hour later, at a convenience store.

I couldn’t go home, so I kept killing time by wandering around.

… But I can’t stay like this until morning, can I…?

I sighed for the umpteenth time and put the magazine down. Then I trudged home, taking longer than I should have.

In the elevator, another heavy sigh.

…. My plan was to open the front door quietly and sneak into my room without Riko noticing.

With great care, I turned the key without making a sound, and carefully opened the door.

But then…

“Riko…!”

In the doorway, I saw Riko sitting with her knees in her arms.

“I’ve been waiting for you…”

“No way, all this time …!?”

Riko nodded her head. It was as if she was a loyal dog that waited hours for her owner to return, and it made me really unsettled.

You mean you really wanted to talk to me that badly…?

… Did it bother you so much that I was avoiding Riko…?

… No, but you’re right.

We’re living under one roof.

If that person was avoiding me without knowing why, I would definitely be concerned.

I didn’t even realize that I was acting selfishly because I didn’t want to get hurt…

I’m the worst.

It doesn’t matter if Riko has someone she likes or not.

There was no way I could get her to like me if I was this inconsiderate.

“I’m sorry…”

I apologized to Riko for everything, and she slowly stood up. She walked up to me. I gulped unconsciously. Riko had a sad look on her face.

“Minato-kun, will you listen to me…?”

“Uh-huh.”

I clenched my hands tightly as I waited for Riko to speak.

I don’t know what she’s going to say…

Honestly, I’m scared as hell.

Maybe she’ll get mad at me about my shitty attitude.

“Are you still uncomfortable with girls…, Minato-kun?”

“Yeah.”

… How the hell does Riko know about that?

… I guess anyone could tell with my attitude.

I can’t talk to girls in the classroom at all, and I’m the one who looks suspicious just by picking up handouts. It’s only recently that I’ve been able to have a real conversation with Riko. If I get a little flustered, I start to stutter.

I nodded back to Riko, feeling ashamed of my weakness.

“…You’re not good with me either?”

I was even more surprised than before and opened my eyes.

I’m not good with Riko…?

… At first, I wasn’t.

To be frank, just facing such a beautiful girl felt like being pressured and made me more nervous than any other girl.

But now…

I was touched by Riko’s kindness, learned how cute she was, admired her, and before I knew it, I fell in love with her…

Now, she has become the one who can break my heart like no one else can.

“… It’s different.”

I like her, and that’s why I’m scared of her, and that’s why she’s more special than anyone else, including those conflicting emotions. I’m not going to put her in the same category as the rest of the girls.

“Riko is different from the other girls…!”

A voice so strong that even I was surprised, came out of me.

Riko, who until then had looked sad, put the back of her hand over her mouth and scrunched up her expression, giving off a determined look.

“… Then I… won’t suppress my feelings anymore…”

“What do you mean by suppressing your feelings…?”

Riko shook her head, then slowly reached out her hand. Riko’s hand tightly grabbed the hem of my clothes as I stood there in confusion.

“If you don’t like what I do, Minato-kun, just tell me. And then I won’t do that anymore… I realized that even if I did nothing…, I would sometimes feel like I was about to leave, like this time. … Even if I am not allowed to express my feelings, I will stop just holding back…”

“Wait, wait. Riko. I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

What the hell is Riko talking about?

This time, I avoided Riko and made her feel awkward, right?

I understand that part.

But the rest of the story was so mysterious that I felt as if I was listening to an arcane cipher.

Riko giggled when she saw me looking crestfallen.

“That’s really what Minato-kun is like… That’s what I… like.”

“Eh…, eh…?”

“What I want you to understand, Minato-kun, is that if there’s anything I do that you don’t like, just let me know. Is that part okay with you…?”

I don’t think there’s anything that Riko does that I don’t like…

She was waiting for my answer with a serious face, so I said, “Okay”, and Riko replied, “Absolutely…?” and she finally showed me her usual smile.

… This smile disappeared because I avoided Riko…

When I thought about it, I realized my stupidness again, and I wanted to disappear.

I’ll never do something like that again.

No matter how much my unrequited love for Riko would hurt me in the future.

I’m not going to let Riko suffer.

I made up my mind in my heart.

Chapter 4.5 Intermission 1 – Minato’s Past

Translator: Chaos

Editor: Riciel

For the past three years, I have had a flashback that always appeared whenever I got carried away.

It was a terrifying memory that pinned me down and brought me back to my senses.

It was a revival of an event that had happened in the fall of my third year of middle school.

“Eh? You seriously don’t think I’m mistaken, do you? How could a girl be conscious of you just because you talked to her for a while? You don’t even know her personality, you know? There’s no way you can tell if she’s good or bad. And yet, to have delusions like these, just like falling in love, sounds silly. I’m really disappointed that Minato is that kind of person.”

The truth was different than what she thought. But the words made me feel so painful that I couldn’t say anything back at that time.

“It was fun to exchange messages while watching old movies on the same day. Why can’t we just keep doing that? I don’t get it. And besides, … it’s kind of creepy.”

With repeated shallow breaths, I just tell her, “I’m sorry”, as if squeezing it out.

“We’re still in third grade. I’ll tell you something, Minato, guys who automatically think they’re liked just like that are very hard to deal with. How much overconfidence do you have? I don’t know what makes you think you’re liked so conveniently. It’s funny.”

Ton-ton-ton-

Was this the sound of my heart that’s been beating wildly since a while ago?

Even though I’m at the bottom of the barrel, it kept bouncing rapidly.

“I’d like to point out that I’ve never thought of you as a friend.”

That shocked me more than any other words.

Because I had thought of her as a friend.

But she denied everything.

She was right, I was a bastard who misunderstood.

Ton-ton-ton-

◇◇◇

I woke up drenched in sweat and heard a knock on the door, followed by the sound of a somewhat happy voice.

“Hey, sleepyhead. You said you wanted me to wake you up, and it’s time.”

Riko’s words lifted me up after I had been dragged down by the bad dream that had plagued me. It was the beginning of a picture-perfect happy holiday. I didn’t want to ruin it because of my dream.

“Sorry, I’m up…! … I’ll be right there.”

“Yes! Breakfast is ready, so let’s eat together. Today, we’re having hot sandwiches.”

“Yeah, thanks!”

The sweat hasn’t gone down yet, but I could still smile. Riko’s presence was a relief to me; it wasn’t an exaggeration or anything.