Vol 4 Chapter 15 – A Certain Researcher’s Memory (【Revolver Maid】 Arc)

The very first emotion I felt when I saw you was simply moved.

An act of goodness.

The determination to give your all—even in the smallest things.

Before I knew it, I found myself constantly tracking your every move as if irresistibly drawn to you.

Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.

Whenever I had a spare moment, I was always watching.

Now that I think about it, I suppose it was at that moment that I fell in love.

With you—who treated even someone like me with kindness.

One day, I asked you,

“What kind of woman do you like?”

Then you answered:

“Someone who puts effort into helping others.”

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What is the one thing I can do best for others?

After much thought, I became a “researcher.”

Then I left your side for a time and devoted myself entirely to my research.

And, as imprudent as it might sound to say I was lucky, I developed a miracle drug for the trendy illness of the time.

I was praised by many and even received awards I could hardly understand.

At last, I was able to be of use to others.

Would that have made me the kind of woman you like?

I summoned my courage and reached out first.

But you never replied.

No matter how many days I waited, a response never came.

For days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end, for days on end.

Why?

I searched for you.

I went to every place where you might be found.

Yet, I never encountered you.

Could it be that I am still not worthy of walking beside you?

I no longer understand anything at all.

Then, something inside me changed.

My body began to automatically reject helping others.

I—who had been tirelessly working on developing a new miracle drug for others—continued my research.

However, no matter what, my work just wasn’t progressing as planned.

Eventually, I found myself spending my days in lazy inaction.

My savings ran dry, and I was left with nothing to eat.

I had reached my limit.

But I have no regrets.

After all, a life without you is one I do not need.

——————————————————

At that moment, words naturally slipped from my lips:

“Alright, let’s commit suicide.”

From that point on, my actions were swift.

How to end my life—

I did desire death, but I didn’t want to suffer the painful, agonizing ordeal of jumping off a building or hanging myself.

I wanted to die without pain or suffering.

I was seeking euthanasia.

However, euthanasia was only permitted abroad—and the cost was far beyond what I could ever pay.

So, I decided to develop a drug that would let me die without suffering.

Fortunately, as a drug researcher, my laboratory was stocked with an abundance of materials.

I threw myself into developing the drug, sacrificing even sleep.

I even forgot that I hadn’t eaten for days.

——————————————————

“It all happened in an instant…”

It took only three days of research for me to complete the drug.

Thank goodness.

At last, I could leave this world behind.

I immediately prepared to ingest the drug.

That was when it happened.

“Wait a minute.”

Suddenly, a thought struck me as a researcher:

Is this drug actually suitable for humans?

When I tested it on nearby animals, every single one died instantly.

There was no sign of suffering.

Yet not every creature is the same as a human.

If I were to take this drug and something went wrong, what then?

That would be a regret for a lifetime.

With that in mind, I quickly composed myself and stepped out into the city.

“Perhaps I should apologize to God first…”

What I was about to do was absolutely unforgivable.

Because it is—murder.

——————————————————

Once in the city, I observed countless people.

Would there be someone who might readily drink this drug?

No one would ever take an inexplicable drug offered by a stranger.

Unfortunately, I had no friends.

I found myself at a dead end.

“But, it’s hot…”

Since my lab was underground, I rarely noticed the fluctuations in temperature.

An electronic billboard on a towering building displayed 34°C.

“Let’s find somewhere cool…”

Feeling it was too dangerous to remain outside any longer, I sought refuge in a nearby shopping mall.

——————————————————

“However… it’s not going to be easy to find one.”

While cooling off in the mall’s lounge area, I contemplated my next move.

Perhaps I could gather a group of suicidal individuals online?

At that moment, I saw children playing in the kids’ room.

They all wore joyful expressions.

I suddenly found myself smiling.

Then, I heard a devilish whisper:

“Should I lay a hand on an innocent child?”

“…!!”

I smacked my own cheek as hard as I could.

What on earth was I thinking?

Why could I only think of such devilish things?

If I wanted to die, I could do it alone.

Die.

Die, or not…

“Ha ha…”

I suddenly realized—

Even when I was making the drug—

Even when I was pondering who to kill—

I had smiled just as I did back then.

——————————————————

“I’m home…”

In the end, without killing anyone, I returned to my lab.

Someone like me would be better off dead right now.

With that thought, I put the drug in my mouth and said:

“If I were to die now, would you give me your life?”

That voice was as delicate as a princess’s.