#21: The Literature Club’s Baptism

Two weeks had passed since Kyouko-chan’s forceful recruitment and Fujiko-san’s request had gotten me into the literature club.

I’d always figured the literature club was just about reading books and writing novels or poems or whatever, but it turns out that’s not quite right.

Sure, we do read, but if there’s a book I actually want to read, I don’t get to choose. And get this—it’s only me.

Everyone else picks whatever they like, but for some reason, I’m the only one getting light novels shoved into my hands.

The first one I got was titled “I Cut My Hair and Took Off My Glasses, and Now Girls Think I’m Attractive, But My Charm Evaporated Immediately.” Fujiko-san handed it to me with a completely serious expression on her face.

Then she just handed me the book and said, “Let me know when you’re done reading,” before walking off and leaving me to it. But the moment I finished, everyone in the literature club stopped what they were doing and suddenly I was the one standing in front of them giving a book review.

“Well, fundamentally, the protagonist was only popular because of his appearance, right? To be honest, I thought it was a terrible work. A true harem protagonist isn’t popular just because of looks—it takes substance, character, and real action. In that sense, I guess it had some value as a cautionary tale.”

I’d torn apart the protagonist’s character based on my own personal convictions about what a harem protagonist should be. Meanwhile, all the club members were nodding along and furiously taking notes. The whole thing looked like what a motivated club activity should be, but really, they were just picking apart some bad light novel.

When I thought about it that way, the whole literature club started seeming pretty suspicious.

Next, Hideguro-san handed me another light novel: “Every Morning My Childhood Friend Comes to Wake Me Up, So Feeling Bad About It, I Decided to Wake Up First. Now We’ve Grown Apart, She Got a Boyfriend, and I Hit Rock Bottom. To Forget About It, I Tried Hitting on Girls at the Arcade, But Nobody Would Give Me the Time of Day, and Now I’m Even More Depressed.”

Just the title made me full.

“Um… Hideguro-san? I feel like I can already tell what this one’s about just from the title. Do I really have to read it?”

“Of course! I’d love to hear what Mizumoto thinks about it~”

“Ugh… Fine, I understand…”

And so, after I finished reading, it was the same routine—just me giving a solo book review.

“Um… so while I was reading this, I kept thinking, ‘Why do I already know what happens just from the title?’ But yeah, I read it anyway, and it was exactly what the title promised. Honestly, I couldn’t empathize with the protagonist at all. This book’s absolute garbage. The harem story before this was also terrible, but this one’s even worse. It’s so bad I can’t even use it as a cautionary tale. I think the author was going for a ‘too late’ kind of story, but honestly, I have no idea what the author was even trying to say. The whole thing’s incoherent. I’m starting to think the author’s a masochist who deliberately wrote this to invite criticism.”

“So, um~ Mizumoto, how are things with your childhood friend?”

“Huh? With my childhood friend? What does that have to do with this crap light novel…?”

I was confused by the sudden question, so Fujiko-san explained things.

“Suzu-chan is writing a novel right now, and she’s using childhood friends as her subject matter. Since everyone knows you and Tsuchida-san are childhood friends, she wanted to hear about your real experience. Right, Suzu-chan?”

“Exactly! So like, how do you feel about your childhood friend and stuff~?”

“Well… I’d say me and Megucchi are a classic childhood friend duo. We’re totally comfortable with each other—no awkwardness whatsoever. We help each other out when times get rough. And honestly, she’s really cute. No matter what she does, I just end up forgiving her with a ‘what a cute girl’ kind of attitude.”

All the club members took notes as I talked about my relationship with Megucchi and what I think of her.

They’re not just asking Hideguro-san about this. Why are all of them taking notes? I thought, but everyone looked like they were working hard at it, so I kept quiet.

But that suspicious feeling still wouldn’t go away.

Next, Mikan-san from the Konda twins handed me a light novel: “I Thought a Girl Was in Trouble Being Hit On, So I Tried to Help Her Out. Turns Out She Was the Prettiest Girl in Our Class, But It Was Actually Her Hitting On Guys, and I Just Got in Her Way. The Next Day, I Dropped to the Bottom of the Social Hierarchy.”

“Just reading that title makes my stomach hurt…”

“Don’t worry! Mikan hasn’t even read this one, so please share your thoughts with us!”

“Wait, you haven’t read it!? Ugh… Fine, I’ll read it. That’s what you want, right?”

I was getting pretty sick of this whole thing at this point.

I could’ve sworn they said I just had to be a member and didn’t have to be super active…

It was starting to feel like hazing from a sports club. Like, it was literally a literature club tradition to just make you read nothing but terrible light novels as some kind of initiation.

So, the review session.

“So… my first reaction was ‘Is this even a romantic comedy?’ because reading it just made me feel depressed the whole time. There are basically no sweet scenes, no satisfying ざまぁ moments where the jerk gets what’s coming to him, nothing. It’s not even about empathy anymore—I found myself genuinely worried about the author’s mental health. I’m pretty sure the author’s a masochist who wrote this intentionally to get criticized.”

“I see! So Mikan was right not to read it!”

…This little… (Just because she’s a kind of cute underclassman, she thinks she can get away with this?)

I almost said it out loud, but I held back in front of Fujiko-san and kept my mouth shut.

Then Lemon-san, the other Konda twin, handed me something with the title: “Help Me Protect My Nipples.”

“What is this…? I feel like I’ve seen a title like this before, but isn’t 18+ material kind of a problem at school…?”

“It’s totally fine! This is BL, after all!”

“Wait, that doesn’t make it fine! If anything, that makes it worse!”

“Nah, nah! Teacher Himeno is one of us, so it’s all good!”

“Wait, what!?!?”

No way… I had no idea.

Honestly, that was the biggest shock since joining the literature club.

So, the review session.

“Kyouko-chan is a fujoshi—that realization was so shocking that I literally couldn’t process anything about the actual novel. That’s all. Done.”

“So does that mean Mizumoto-senpai has no aptitude for BL?”

“I mean, I’m a guy! If a normal guy had aptitude for that kind of thing, that’d be seriously messed up!”

I’m starting to think I want to quit this club…

Honestly, after the reading and reviews, that’s pretty much what the literature club was all about. So I guess the whole “read books and give opinions” thing is on-brand for a literature club, but the only feeling I took away from it all was distrust.

And on top of all that pointless activity, they made me write a weekly activity report every single week.

The thing is—I’m the only one writing one. Nobody else in the club has to.

When I asked once, “Why just me? Don’t the others have to write them?” they said, “Writing these activity reports is also training for your writing skills as a literature club member! It’s a special program just for you since you’re new, Norio-kun!” Again, it sounded kind of suspicious.

This literature club was definitely sketchy.

I had the feeling they were hiding something from me.

Is this what it means to be a harem protagonist? This sense that there’s some dark force out there trying to interfere with my harem?

Yes.

I was a man burdened by sin—Norio.

#22: The Beautiful Teacher Falls

Ever since I found out Kyouko-chan was a fujoshi, I couldn’t stop being aware of her gaze. Or rather, a suspicious paranoia had settled over me and I couldn’t shake it.

One day during a literature club meeting, Kyouko-chan, who was the faculty advisor, showed up.

“So, Mizumoto, have you gotten used to the literature club yet?”

“Yeah, though I still don’t really understand what we’re doing. But I’m doing what you tell me to do, so that’s something.”

“Hmm? That’s weird for you. Are you sick or something?”

So saying, Kyouko-chan leaned in close and placed her hand on my forehead.

Then she moved her hand to her own forehead to compare.

“Hmm, you don’t seem to have a fever… but what’s wrong? You’re making a weird face. Did something get on my face?”

“No, nothing…”

“You’re definitely acting strange today.”

…

Kyouko-chan was blinking behind her glasses and staring intently at my face. Normally, if Kyouko-chan was doing this kind of skinship and looking at me like this, I’d probably make some smooth pickup line and tease her about it. But right now, I couldn’t help but wonder—She’s probably just imagining some perverted fantasy where she’s defiling me in her head, isn’t she?

Unable to hold back, I finally blurted it out.

“Kyouko-chan… I understand it’s not right to judge other people’s tastes, but isn’t it a little inappropriate for a teacher to fantasize about a student in that way?”

“W-w-w-what the—!? M-M-Mizumoto, what are you talking about!?”

See? She’s panicking. Figures.

And then Kyouko-chan’s accusatory gaze turned to the literature club members.

“You guys! Did you tell him about me!?!?”

“Well, I mean, it’s kind of common knowledge in the literature club at this point, isn’t it? Once Norio-kun joined, it was only a matter of time before he found out anyway.”

“You traitors! No, wait—Mizumoto, listen! I swear, I don’t fantasize about you being forced into submission or anything! I absolutely don’t spend night after night whimpering and getting all worked up about how you act tough and cocky around other girls, but the second a guy makes a move on you, you get all cute and timid and girly! I definitely don’t do that! Believe me, Mizumoto!”

Wait, that’s the exact opposite of a denial.

“Ahhh, it’s all over… My dignity as a person, my credibility as a teacher—it’s all garbage now… Especially not in front of you, Mizumoto… sighs“

Kyouko-chan is beautiful, her figure is perfect, and even though she’s a teacher, she’s got this incredibly sexy librarian aesthetic going on. Her ass has an ideal shape, honestly.

The problem is her violent temperament and her questionable tastes in entertainment.

I’ve thought more than once: If only she didn’t have those issues…

“Kyouko-chan. If you can’t find a husband the way things are going, why don’t you just come stay with me? Though you’re going to have to give up on that stuff first!”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.”

“Why not!? When you put a normal life against your perverted fantasies on a scale, which one do you actually think matters more!?”

“The perverted fantasies, obviously! You wouldn’t understand, being a normal guy like you are, but I’ve been carrying the soul of BL in my heart for ten whole years! There’s no way someone like you—a normie—could ever understand the nobility of BL!”

“Kyouko-chan casually dropping statements like BL is noble to your student… that’s seriously messed up.”

“Hey! Don’t suddenly become rational on me now!”

Since Kyouko-chan was still ranting and raving without any sign of stopping, I gently hugged her from behind and started stroking her head while speaking softly.

“Kyouko-chan, it’s okay now. I’m here for you. I know I’m younger and I’m a student, but those kinds of obstacles don’t really matter between us, do they?”

“Mizumoto…”

“Seriously, for a teacher, Kyouko-chan sure is a handful—just like a little kitten I have to take care of.”

“Ugh… Mizumoto… You’re the only one who understands the real me… Waaahhh~”

And so Kyouko-chan (29, single) held me tightly while crying.

Just like that, what had been a chaotic situation completely flipped, and I’d managed to capture Kyouko-chan’s heart.

My protagonist power is seriously ridiculous.

I’m genuinely terrified of myself at this point.

Yes.

I was a man burdened by sin—Norio.

And the literature club members who witnessed the whole exchange were whispering:

“So Teacher Himeno fell too…”

“Amazing, right~? Even that wild horse of a teacher went down so easily~!”