#17: Welcome to the Literature Club

After clearing the heroines’ showdown event during lunch break, I got summoned by Kyouko-chan during homeroom.

“Kyouko-chan, do you want to spend that much one-on-one time with me? Even beauties get lonely sometimes, huh.”

“Enough chatter—come to me later! I will not accept refusal!”

“Such a pushy little kitten. Good grief.”

I didn’t have an after-school date planned with Sakura-san today, and Megucchi was apparently going out with her gyaru crew, so with nothing in particular to do, I obediently answered Kyouko-chan’s summons.

When I went to see Kyouko-chan in the staff room, she immediately said, “Follow me,” and left the room.

I walked behind Kyouko-chan down the corridor.

Right in front of me, Kyouko-chan’s nicely shaped butt, wrapped in a tight skirt, bounced in time with her steps, putting its mature sensuality on unapologetic display. Honestly, getting to admire that with my own eyes made this summons worth it, I thought, following along quite satisfied.

Where we ended up was an empty classroom next to the library.
This was the Literature Club’s base of operations.

I followed Kyouko-chan into the room, where four girls were sitting with a few desks pushed together, seemingly in the middle of some discussion.
There was one person I recognized among them. When she noticed me, she gave me a gentle smile.

“Okay, thanks for waiting, everyone. To solve the member headcount issue we’ve been talking about, I scouted someone. This is Norio Mizumoto, a second-year. Be nice to him.”

“I see… So lonely little Kyouko-chan wants to spend time with me even during club hours. That’s actually kind of endearing.”

“Ah. So that is the case. Please take care of him.”

For some reason, the choppy, monotone delivery stuck out to me, but, well, Kyouko-chan is still barely a heroine. It’s good to be kind once in a while.

“By the way, I was basically dragged here without being told a thing. What am I supposed to do?”

“Just being on our roster is more than enough, Norio-kun. We do meet about three times a week, but attendance isn’t mandatory.”

The one who answered me was Fujiko-san, the main-heroine candidate.

“So you’re in the Literature Club, Fujiko-san. Earlier, Kyouko-chan mentioned a headcount issue. I’m here as reinforcements?”

“Actually, yes… With the third-years retiring and a sudden transfer among the second-years, we needed to add one member by the end of the month. For the record, I’m the one who nominated you, Norio-kun.”

Whoa.
So the quiet, low-profile Fujiko-san finally made a move here!?

“I get it. It’s the protagonist’s job to come in clutch when a heroine’s in trouble. Leave it to me.”

“Thank you, Norio-kun! I knew nominating you was the right call!”

Overjoyed, Fujiko-san grabbed both my hands and pumped them up and down like a handshake.
Kyouko-chan folded her arms and nodded to herself as if satisfied.
The other three members huddled together and whispered about something I couldn’t hear.

Once my joining was settled, Kyouko-chan and I took seats, and a six-person discussion began. First came introductions, led by the club president, Fujiko-san.

First was Suzu Hibino.
She’s a fellow second-year and the vice president.

She’s a little plump but not at all fat, with a cute round face and a striking beauty mark at the outer corner of her eye. There’s a relaxed, soothing air about her—an unhurried, healing type.

Second and third were the twins, Mikan Kaneda and Lemon Kaneda.
They’re both first-years, so my kouhai.

Their faces are practically identical, but their hairstyles differ.
Mikan-san has a bob that reaches her shoulders.
Lemon-san wears a short cut.
They also have strong, sharp brows that suggest a firm will.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call them both beauties.

Maybe because they’re younger, something about them reminded me of my little sister, Kurumi.

After the round of introductions, I took a moment to savor the situation.

Three brand-new heroines making their debut here.
And all of them are lookers.

Just in the Literature Club alone, if I count Kyouko-chan, that makes five heroines gathered.
Even if I don’t do anything, my protagonist power keeps drawing heroines in.
Maybe I’ve got something unbelievable on my hands.

Right.
I’m Norio, a heartbreaker.

#17.5: The Hidden Face of the Classmate Called the Main Heroine

Since today was just about recruiting and introductions, I had Norio-kun head home right after we were done.

In truth, our school’s clubs don’t actually have a minimum member requirement, and the Literature Club was in no danger of being shut down even without Norio-kun.
Himeno-sensei, our advisor, and I put on a little show.

So then, why did we scout Norio-kun into the Literature Club?

Because our Literature Club decided to investigate a certain phenomenon surrounding him.

We call it “Romcom Syndrome.”

As a covert activity of the club, we’re going to investigate and observe it and, if possible, prevent any further casualties. Recruiting Norio-kun was part of that effort. That’s the real story.

Romcom Syndrome.

To explain the symptoms: in males, the sufferer starts believing he is a protagonist or a background mob and assumes the women around him are heroines, then proceeds to act like he’s in a romcom light novel. The symptoms can be subdivided into all kinds: harem type, hard-of-hearing type, dense type, overbearing “my-way” type, cuckolded-by-the-hero type, and so on.

In females, the sufferer believes she is a heroine and likewise behaves as a romcom heroine. The categories include childhood-friend type, little-sister or big-sister type, stepmom type, older-woman/younger-boy type, villainess type, liberal-arts type, science type, and so forth. For reference, the “liberal-arts” type tends to use the library as their base of operations, while the “science” type is full of people who try to analyze romance with biorhythms and get overly theoretical and tedious.

In other words, we believe Norio-kun is currently exhibiting Romcom Syndrome.

I was the first to notice.

Norio-kun, who sits next to me, kicked it off one morning by saying, as a greeting, “Your beautiful smile is dazzling today, too.”

At first I thought it was a joke.
But it wasn’t.
Every single morning, without fail, he would throw sweet words my way.

The clincher was his exchange with Megucchi Tsuchida.

Norio-kun assumes that his childhood friend Tsuchida-san “has a crush on him and gets jealous whenever he gets close to other girls,” and he even tells her to “stop getting jealous.”

The shock of seeing that for the first time is still seared into my memory.

Well, to be fair, Tsuchida-san really is in love with Norio-kun.
But even so, there aren’t many boys who would assume it outright and tell her not to get jealous. This is a textbook Romcom Syndrome symptom.

After that, I took an interest in this suspected case, Norio-kun, and began secretly observing him.

I also consulted our homeroom teacher and Literature Club advisor, Himeno-sensei, about Norio-kun.

After all, Himeno-sensei, like me, has been designated a heroine by Norio-kun.
She gets dragged around by him even more than I do, and it’s fair to say she’s a victim of Romcom Syndrome.

As a result of our discussion, we decided to enlist the help of the Literature Club.

We started by investigating Norio-kun himself and the women around him he has labeled as heroines.

As of now, there are four girls designated as heroines by Norio-kun.

First and foremost is Megucchi Tsuchida. Norio-kun calls her his “ultimate childhood friend,” and they’re always together. They’re next-door neighbors, and apparently they even bathe together. Wearing a school swimsuit to the bath was on Norio-kun’s instructions, apparently. In other words, she’s so fond of him that she’ll do anything he asks.
Normally with a relationship that close, you’d say “Just date already,” but that’s the scary thing about Romcom Syndrome.

Next is Sakura Kida, a third-year. We’d been complacent, thinking it was just Norio-kun one-sidedly labeling her a heroine, when suddenly Kida-senpai began making moves herself. It’s not confirmed yet, but we suspect a secondary infection of Romcom Syndrome. Even today, she flat-out called herself a heroine.

Then there’s our homeroom teacher, Kyouko Himeno. Needless to say, in our class, romcom banter between Norio-kun and Himeno-sensei is a daily occurrence. Himeno-sensei won’t admit it, but I suspect she, too, is a secondary case.

Lastly, there’s me, Fujiko Tsukino. According to Norio-kun, I’m a “main heroine candidate.” I don’t know what criteria he’s using, but to him, I apparently have the qualities to match the protagonist.

And how do I know all this in such detail?

I have an ally within Norio-kun’s family.
I get information from her.

She, too, could be called a victim of Romcom Syndrome.
Despite being his real sister, her brother Norio-kun has “decided” that she “has a crush on her brother and sulks when he gets close to other girls.” A sister having romantic feelings for her brother is nothing but a light-novel fantasy.
The fact he thinks like this alone suggests a severe case of Romcom Syndrome.

Today, thanks to Himeno-sensei’s pushy recruitment, we successfully secured Norio-kun.

The club members who had been half-doubting my story seemed pretty shocked by today’s first contact.

“Wait, he’s not joking—he’s serious? That’s wild.”

“He literally called himself the protagonist.”

“He called the president a heroine, too.”

“Yeah. And that was him on a calm day. Our class gets way more intense. Today at lunch, third-year Kida-senpai showed up and it was a full-blown scene.”

And so, our Literature Club began deepening our involvement with the self-proclaimed protagonist, Norio Mizumoto.

Right.
I’m the woman who observes and studies Norio-kun. Dr. Fujiko.

#18: Little Sister and Gyoza

After I joined the Literature Club and the introductions ended, they promptly kicked me out like I was no longer needed.

For a split second, I thought, “Was I really just a warm body for the headcount?” but then I told myself, “No way they’d treat the great protagonist like that. Good grief,” grabbed my bag back in the classroom, and left the building all by my lonesome.

No! I’m not lonely!
That was just a momentary lapse!

Right.
I’m Norio, a heartbreaker.
That’s who I am.

Walking home alone for the first time in a while, I stopped by the supermarket, thinking about tonight’s menu. I bought ground pork, cabbage, a fat leek, a mountain of garlic, and gyoza wrappers, then hurried home.

I dropped the groceries in the kitchen, washed my hands and gargled, changed in my room, then started the prep work.

I minced the cabbage, salted it, and set it aside to rest.

I rinsed the rice and started the cooker.

I peeled the garlic and grated clove after clove.

I minced the fat leek.

I squeezed the water from the rested cabbage by hand, then mixed in the mountain of grated garlic, the minced leek, and the ground pork. I added salt, pepper, sesame oil, dashi powder, sake, soy sauce, and mirin (sweet rice wine), kneaded it thoroughly, and the filling was done.

I called out to my sister, who was already home—”We’re making gyoza, come help”—and the two of us wrapped dumplings nonstop.

“Gyoza for dinner? Not bad for an old man.”

Kurumi loves gyoza.
Actually, the entire Mizumoto family loves gyoza.

In about an hour, we wrapped two hundred.

Since these included portions for Dad and Mom, that meant fifty per person.

I put two frying pans to work and cranked out a hundred, and Kurumi and I dug in together.

In a great mood thanks to her favorite food, Kurumi kept munching away while launching into a passionate rant about how pointless those TV variety shows are where celebrities sing karaoke.

I munched as I listened, and while her breath reeked of garlic so much it was really distracting, I chose not to point it out.

Right.
We’re the garlic-reeking Mizumoto siblings.

That night, as usual, Megucchi came over and said,
“Hey! Norio, you reek! Like, seriously, don’t come near me!”

When you get rejected, the pure, innocent heart of a teenage boy only wants it more.

“All right! Today you get all the hugs you want! I’ll even lay kisses on you! Let’s tangle tongues, slurp, and swap drool all night long!”

“Drop dead! Hey—cut it out! Don’t hug meeee!”

I grabbed the protesting Megucchi, held her face in place, and exhaled my finest garlic breath all over her.

“Aaaaaaah!!!”

Just then, my door flew open and Kurumi stood there, feet planted and hands on her hips.

“It’s late! The two of you need to keep it down!” she yelled, then slammed the door.

Since we were still entwined when we got scolded, I flicked out my tongue and gave the tip of Megucchi’s nose a lick.
Megucchi clutched her nose with both hands and writhed for a while, mumbling “So gross,” through her fingers.

Right.
I’m Norio, a heartbreaker.

The next morning, I woke up to find my pillow reeking of garlic, and this time I was the one writhing.