#09: The Childhood Friend Attacks Every Night

After dinner, I leave the dishes to Kurumi and head to the bath.

Back in elementary school, I used to bathe with Kurumi every day and wash her hair for her. But once she hit upper grades, she became all shy and stubborn—typical preteen stuff—and refused to bathe with me anymore.

But I know the truth.

I know Kurumi absolutely adores her big brother.

It’s just the usual teenage thing—she can’t be honest about her feelings.

Deep down, she wants to bathe with me. She wants to sleep in the same futon.

All because her big brother is just too amazing and makes her self-conscious. If only she’d be straightforward at home, everything would be fine.

That’s right.

I’m a troublemaker of a man—Norio Mizumoto.

When I get out of the bath and settle into my room to do homework alone, the door suddenly slides open.

“Norio—I brought my homework!”

It’s Megucchi Tsuchida.

Megucchi is a creature devoid of any sense of reservation. Every single night, she barges into my room like this and forces me to help with her homework. She’s been doing it since elementary school. These days, she probably visits my room more often than my own little sister, Kurumi.

That’s right.

Megucchi is a proper studious gal.

Megucchi’s outfit is always pajamas—fluffy ones designed for sleeping at any moment. A hoodie on top, short pants on the bottom. Fresh from the bath, she’s radiating some kind of pleasant smell—soap or conditioner, I can’t quite tell. And of course, no makeup.

Here’s where a normal high school guy would get all flustered at the sight of flawless, smooth, plump bare legs without a single stray hair. But I’m the main character. A gal’s bare legs like Megucchi’s don’t even make my sexual sensors twitch.

After all, I’ve been seeing them practically every day for over ten years.

By the way, when Megucchi studies in my room, she never uses the table or desk. She just sprawls out on the floor, spreads her notes and textbooks around her, and studies like that.

Since it’s annoying to get called over every time she has a question, I sprawl out next to her too and resume my own studying.

“This part’s seriously rough. I don’t get it at all. Norio, explain it to me.”

“Okay, so this part uses this formula, and if you do it like this—”

“Got it, I’ll give it a try. Thanks a ton.”

That’s basically how it goes when I’m helping Megucchi with her studies.

After about an hour of studying together, Megucchi suddenly asks me something.

“By the way, Norio—you like Fujiko Tsukino, right?”

Fujiko Tsukino sits next to me in class. She’s like the school’s Madonna figure, the kind of captivating girl who’d be the main heroine in a romance comedy.

“Well, I’m the main character, so it’s not really about ‘liking’—it’s just that Fujiko Tsukino is the only main heroine worthy of matching with me, you know?”

“Dude, that’s just your delusion! Your delusions are seriously out of control!”

“Wow, Megucchi, you sure know some tough vocabulary. Good girl.”

“Stop treating me like an idiot! I’m not dumb! And anyway, this isn’t about me—it’s about Fujiko Tsukino!”

Aha.

So that’s what this is. Megucchi’s panicking because she thinks I’m gonna be stolen away by Fujiko Tsukino, huh?

But sorry to disappoint—Megucchi is my childhood friend.

“Listen, Megucchi—being a childhood friend comes with a tragic fate. You’re basically a ‘losing heroine.'”

“I’m telling you, it’s not about me! It’s about Fujiko Tsukino!”

“She’s just embarrassed right now and can’t be honest with herself. But trust me, she’s definitely fallen for me.”

“Why do you sound so confident!? Where is all this confidence coming from!?”

“It’s obvious. I’m the main character. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

“I was fine with your delusions before, but this thing about Fujiko Tsukino being into you? That’s seriously dangerous territory. I’m so grossed out I’m about to pee myself.”

“Megucchi, if you need to use the bathroom, please go. Don’t leak in my room, okay?”

“That was a figure of speech! And besides—doesn’t that way of thinking make you kind of like a stalker?”

“Me? A stalker!? No way, that’s impossible. If anything, I’m the one being stalked! Like with Sakura Kida—”

While Megucchi and I are bickering back and forth about whether I’m the main character or a stalker, the door suddenly flies open and Kurumi is standing there, arms crossed.

“What time do you think it is!? You’re too loud! Enough!” She slams the door shut. There’s still dried seaweed stuck to her forehead.

“See? Megucchi got all jealous and loud, and now Kurumi’s mad!”

“No way—it’s because Norio keeps spouting off nonsensical delusions! Besides, Kurumi’s been seriously short-tempered lately and doesn’t even cut me any slack anymore.”

“Well, Kurumi’s hitting that age, you know? Plus, she thinks I’m gonna get stolen away by you and Fujiko Tsukino, so as the ‘loves her big brother’ type, she probably isn’t feeling very peaceful about it.”

“Huh!? So that’s how your delusions work!? Kurumi obviously just thinks her creepy brother is annoying!”

“Look, you don’t have to be so stubborn about it. Trust me—I know everything.”

That’s right.

I’m a troublemaker of a man—Norio Mizumoto.

“…But Fujiko Tsukino, huh? …Maybe it’s time for Megucchi to go all-in.”

#10: The Childhood Friend Who Proved the School Swimsuit Supremacy Theory

Once we finish all the homework, Megucchi demands a shoulder massage from me. It’s routine at this point, so I’m well-practiced. I knead out the knots in her shoulders and back as she lies face-down.

I’ve heard that buxom girls tend to suffer from shoulder stiffness, and according to Megucchi, it’s completely true.

Besides, getting a direct massage from the main character is a special privilege of being a childhood friend, right?

Megucchi definitely understands her advantages.

That’s right.

I’m the main character overflowing with service spirit—Norio Mizumoto.

After Megucchi says “I’m heading home now. Goodnight, Norio” and yawns as she leaves, I lie alone in my room thinking.

Megucchi Tsuchida, my childhood friend of over ten years.

Fujiko Tsukino, my classmate who sits next to me.

Sakura Kida, who’s always throwing herself at me.

Kyouko Himeno, the beautiful but desperate teacher panicking about her age.

I know they all like me.

My top pick is Fujiko Tsukino.

She’s the only one befitting a main heroine.

But if I choose just her, then all the other cute girls will fall into despair. There’s probably no avoiding some heartbreak, but… is that really okay?

Shouldn’t I, as a harem protagonist, be accepting everyone’s love equally?

Lately, all I do is think about this and hurt over it alone.

That’s right.

I’m a troublemaker of a man—Norio Mizumoto.

No matter how much I torture myself with protagonist’s angst, morning comes regardless.

“Old man, wake up already!”

Kurumi’s here to wake me up. She’s the little sister who adores her big brother, after all. Of course she understands her role as the main character’s sister.

“If you don’t get up soon, Meg-chan’s gonna leave without you!”

Kurumi forcibly steals my blankets, leaving me no choice but to wake up. Bleary-eyed, I trudge to the kitchen and eat breakfast.

Kurumi finishes first and starts fixing her hair into twin tails. She seems particular about where she positions her hair ties. She’s been fine-tuning the left-right balance for a while now.

After breakfast, I quickly brush my teeth, wash my face, and change into my uniform.

When Kurumi and I head out from the entryway, Megucchi is already waiting for us outside.

“Mornin’, Kurumi-chan. Hey, Norio.”

“Morning, Meg-chan.”

“Megucchi, morning. You’ve really got your makeup done today, huh? You wake up early and do it all for me? Cute childhood friend, I gotta say.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m tired of hearing about cute.”

“And the way you deny it while blushing is cute too.”

The three of us walk together while exchanging the same morning greeting we repeat every day.

“So anyway, I tried that advice you gave me, right?”

“Huh? Advice?”

“About the push-up bra thing.”

“Oh, yeah…”

When I take a closer look at Megucchi’s outfit…

“W-Wait, is that a school swimsuit!?”

When I notice, Megucchi puffs out her ample chest in a triumphant pose.

Kurumi, meanwhile, is giving me a look of absolute contempt.

“Megucchi, that’s incredible! Dude! The school swimsuit supremacy theory just got proven by Megucchi right here!”

A buxom, bold gal of a beautiful girl childhood friend equipped with a school swimsuit under her uniform? That’s seriously amazing.

Uniform. School swimsuit. Buxom. Gal. Beautiful girl. Childhood friend.

Way too many male high school fantasies packed into one person! This is basically a joke at this point!

This could seriously shake Fujiko Tsukino’s position as my main heroine. Maybe it’s time to reconsider my internal heroine rankings…

Wait—ow!

“Kurumi, stop kicking your big brother in the butt without saying anything!”

My sister Kurumi keeps silently kicking my rear end. The form on her kicks is almost professional-level. Seriously well-executed.

My big brother got a little excited about the childhood friend’s school swimsuit, and now our cute little sister is all pouty. What can you do?

That’s right.

I’m a troublemaker of a man—Norio Mizumoto.

“S-So… is it the bottom too!?”

“Yup yup! ♪”

Megucchi lifts her skirt and flashes me a peek of her butt, school swimsuit and all. She’s in a seriously good mood.

“Panties AND a school swimsuit!? You’re incredible! Megucchi’s definitely the strongest!”