Chapter 17 – Shall We Burn Trolls Every Day From Now On?

“Fuu…”

After taking a breather and coming back from the bathroom, I immediately walked in on my aunt and stepsister getting strangely hyped up.

“Kukuku…! Burn brighter, you fool!!”

“You little brat, you really go all out, don’t ya!”

“From now on we’re burning trolls every single day!”

The two of them were staring at their smartphone screens while spouting lines straight out of some ancient, insane anime. I watched them in utter confusion.

“Uhh… what exactly is going on here?”

“Oh, Shiro-chan. How was it? Did you enjoy yourself?”

“Eh? Ah, yeah… sure.”

“I wanna use it for reference, so can you tell me which panties you picked?”

“What the hell are you referencing…? …More importantly, what is this situation?”

““We’re having a campfire with the troll who was acting all cocky.””

“A campfire?!”

Even while getting hit with that answer full of things to retort to, I peeked at the screen. There was some random account I’d never seen before getting flooded with replies and going up in flames. By the way, the whoever-it-was was throwing a tantrum at the backlash, which only made the fire rage harder.

“What an idiot… Normally in a situation like this, the standard move is to bow your head, apologize right away, calm the other side down, and wait for things to cool off. Throwing a fit or making excuses just pours more fuel on the fire. People who think apologizing is the same as dying are such a pain~”

“Eh? What the hell is this situation…”

“Nothing much. Some worthless troll came badmouthing my manga, so I just pulled a tiny bit of their personal info and sicced my fans on them. I only meant to give them a little pain… but turns out this guy had already made enemies in every direction. It exploded way bigger than I expected.”

“So you burned the troll and counter-attacked… Sis, doesn’t that make you sound like a terrible person?”

“Hmph. The guy was already picking fights in every direction to begin with. Even if I hadn’t done it, someone else would’ve lit the fuse sooner or later. Serves him right.”

With that, Sui-nee-chan lost interest and put her phone to sleep.

“You’re done already?”

“Yeah. The rest is up to him—he’ll destroy himself on his own. More importantly, I wanna dote on Byakuto.”

So saying, Sui-nee-chan reached out and started stroking my head. It felt weird, like I was a little kid being praised.

“Sui-nee-chan, that’s a little embarrassing…”

“No it’s not. Be a good boy and let your big sis spoil you.”

She said it while openly touching me all over. Before I could react, Aku-nee wedged herself right between us.

“Nope, nope. No cutting in line.”

“…We were getting along so well just a second ago.”

“That was then, this is now.”

Sparks flew between the wolf Aku-nee and the shark Sui-onee-chan as they glared at each other. Watching Sui-nee-chan threaten her like that, I opened my mouth.

“…Hey, speaking of which. From what I’m hearing, Sui-onee-chan, you’re pretty good at digging up other people’s personal info, right?”

“Hm? Well, yeah. One of my hobbies outside of drawing manga is teaching those net-dwelling pests who think they’re perfectly safe without lifting a finger or getting their hands dirty exactly how wrong they are.”

“…Could I ask you to use that hacking skill to look into someone for me?”

“Oh! You’ve got some annoying stalker sticking to you too? Don’t worry—big sis has your back. Who is it? I can light a fire under most people.”

“No, not like that… It’s someone from my class. Kinda weird person, and I’m curious about the circumstances.”

“…Shiro-chan, don’t tell me you’re interested in that chuunibyou girl?!”

As expected of Aku-nee. She instantly guessed who I wanted investigated. That’s right—the transfer student who’d approached me in that bizarre way, Ōkunihama Kaguya.

“It’s true I’m interested, but… it’s not in a romantic way. I’m purely curious about her real identity. She really did say some strange things, after all.”

The things she’d told me during the day. That we were connected since our previous lives, that I should beware the silver flower… It would be a lie to say I wasn’t bothered. If it was just ordinary late-blooming chuunibyou, that’d be fine.

“…………Well, okay. A girl from your class. I just need to look into this Ōkunihama Kaguya person, right!”

“Yeah. Please.”

“The price… how about a full-day date with me?”

“?!”

Exactly as predicted. Well, that much is within acceptable range. By the way, Aku-nee was now glaring with terrifying eyes.

“…Fine, I’ll allow it. But no R18 stuff during the date. If that’s okay, I’ll go on a date with you.”

“As expected of my beloved nephew! You know how to talk!”

“Fuuuuuuuuuu! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”

Anyway, contract established. Aku-nee was making a terrifying face while threatening us… but that was to be expected. I’d have to give her some follow-up later too.

Chapter 18 – Healthy Parents Are Best When They’re Away

“I’m a Universal Century fan, ya know. I wanna watch MS◯gloo, not Fate.”

“Oba-sama, you barge into someone else’s house, interrupt our lovey-dovey time, and now you’re being this shameless? We’re watching Fate! Next episode is the first appearance of Destiny!”

“No no no! I wanna see the exploits of the Z’◯k and Ze’◯gok!”

“Ugh, she’s craving the obscure stuff again…”

“That stuff is packed with romance, ya know.”

“Romance? More like the Principality’s surprise-mecha gag show…”

And so, after that, Aku-nee and Sui-nee-chan argued over what anime to put on, eventually compromising on Build◯ighters, and time passed.

Before we knew it, Mom and Dad came home and it was dinner time. Grilled mackerel, miso soup, and salad—an extremely standard menu. Dad helped out too, and the two of them whipped everything up with perfect teamwork the moment they got back. Their compatibility in this area was excellent as always.

“Cui-chan, sorry for calling you over so suddenly today. You didn’t have a part-time shift or anything, did you?”

Mom apologized to her much-younger sister.

“Nah, I was free today anyway. And for your cooking, Sis, I’ll adjust my schedule as much as you need.”

Thanks to getting to eat Mom’s food, Sui-nee-chan was in an excellent mood. She occasionally shot Dad jealous glances, and Dad in turn would kiss Mom or grope her in front of her, but that was just their usual routine.

Being doted on by both her little sister and her husband—Mom really was a devilish woman. That same Mom suddenly spoke in a formal tone.

“Cui-chan. I have a favor to ask.”

“What is it? I can help with most things.”

“Actually…”

What Mom said next was quite shocking.

“Transfer to Tokyo?!”

“Yes. And not just anywhere—the facility built on an uninhabited island near Iwo Jima. Together with your father.”

Mom and Dad worked at the same place. Some relative-run company—or research institute, I guess. A mysterious organization that did who-knows-what and paid their salaries. Somehow both of them were intellectuals.

Image-wise it was like a mix of that foundation that secures, collects, and protects mysterious objects and Colony Mende◯, then divided by two—pretty mad-scientist stuff. If it were more famous they’d probably be the masterminds of conspiracy theories. Wait… these two don’t have death flags, do they?

That the two researcher (?) parents produced a son like me who’s hopeless at math and science is one of the mysteries of genetics, but anyway, this time both of them received orders to transfer to a research lab on a remote island near Tokyo.

“So, transferring high schools would involve re-testing and all sorts of hassle. Besides, the island has literally nothing but the facility—no school.”

“Plus it’s only temporary. Half a year or a year at most and we should be able to come right back.”

“Which is why we want the two of us to head to the island while you kids stay here and keep living normally. You’re both already high-schoolers and we’ve taught you basic housework. We want you to support each other. Of course we’ll cover living expenses.”

Well, well.

This had turned into the classic light-novel / dating-sim development. Healthy parents are best when they’re away—exactly that kind of situation.

In a total perv game there’d probably be events where you bring girls into the house.

The problem was…

“Haa haa haa haa”

“Slurp…”

Before I could even raise any flags with cute girls, the two apex predators—wolf Aku-nee and shark Sui-nee-chan—were already targeting poor little rabbit me. Once the final stopper called “parents” disappeared, it was obvious to anyone that their brakes would completely fail.

…Actually, there was a decent chance I’d be the one to explode first.

Crap. In both their heads right now I was definitely already pictured in all sorts of obscene positions.