After My First Love Who is My Classmate Became My Family, My Childhood Friend Became Really Sweet to Me - Chapter 18

Tsukino and Hinata/Two Paths/Lost

‘Hinata-san likes Yuto. Not as a family, but as a girl.’

It’s as if the world stood still.

But the silence which seemed to last forever was actually just a moment. Tsukino’s voice breaks the silence.

“Do you remember, Yuto? The night I told Hinata-san that I confessed my feelings to Yuto.”

How can I forget? That was the day I asked Hinata out on a date.

Hinata was clearly in dismay to know that Tsukino likes me.

“I’ve been wondering that if it might actually be possible since then. My suspicion grew little by little, but I wasn’t convinced until just now. I was convinced when I saw Hinata-san’s relieved face to know I won’t participate in the ‘Confession of the Holy Night’ event. I finally realized that Yuto is more than a little brother to Hinata-san.”

I won’t deny Tsukino’s words. I can’t deny it.

“That’s why I thought I can’t go out with Yuto right now. If Yuto gets a girlfriend now, Hinata-san will surely be very sad. I definitely don’t want that to happen.”

“…Hinata, me?”

“Yuto doesn’t understand Hinata-san’s feeling at all?”

That’s—there is no better lie to say that I’m not aware of it.

I just pretended not to notice it so that no one would get hurt.

It all started with that date with Hinata, I promised myself that it would be my first and last date with Hinata. I was convinced that Hinata is Yuki-chan, the girl whom I had met only once when she was a little girl—since then, I have a suspicion that Hinata might actually be Yuki-chan.

Maybe Hinata remembered me all along.

It was then that I became more aware of Hinata than ever before.

For example, when our hands touched one another at breakfast.

For example, when Hinata asked me to accompany her to watch a movie.

For example, when we were holding hands like lovers.

At that moment, a thought crossed my mind that I might be more than family to Hinata.

That’s why she chose to live with me as a family instead of as strangers to each other—and yet, I just pretended to be desperately unaware of it.

If I’m fully aware of it, Hinata and I wouldn’t be able to live like a family like we used to.

“Yuto says you want to change our current relationship, but in order to do that, I can’t overlook Hinata-san’s feelings. That’s why I want Yuto to know about it.”

“………”

I’m such a big fool after all.

I’m the one who said wanted to change our current relationship, but I’m also the one who turn my eyes away from reality.

“That’s why I can’t go out with Yuto. If Yuto gets a girlfriend, I think Hinata-san will be hurt that Yuto and Hinata-san can’t live on together as a family like before.”

“…how can you tell that Tsukino?”

“Because I know how exactly how Hinata-san feels. I’m the same as Hinata-san—my love for Yuto didn’t come true as well.”

Tsukino’s beautiful mysterious eyes are teary.

“I was in love with Yuto, but he was having his first love for Hinata-san. I spent many sleepless nights imagining that Yuto and Hinata-san would get together. If Yuto and Hinata-san had really become lovers, I don’t think I would be able to be the childhood friend that I always have been.”

Those words feel very heavy because Tsukino has always been in love with me.

Perhaps it is Tsukino who understands Hinata’s feelings better than anyone else.

“I’m sure Yuto is right, if things continue as they are now, both me and Hinata will only get hurt little by little. We have to settle it one day, but I thought that it would be best to leave things as they are. That way, we won’t steal Yuto from each other.”

Tsukino stares at me from a distance, her gaze almost made me lost my breath.

“Yuto can only choose one of the two paths—which one will Yuto choose?”

“—I”

Which one should I choose.

As for Hinata—I love her.

Because she is my first love. The unrequited love I have for Hinata still lingers in my heart, I can’t ignore these feelings any longer. Still, I decided to give up on the idea of being a lover to Hinata and stay next to her as her little brother.

But if Hinata says she likes me—I can see myself wavering in my own resolve.

So, would I give up dating Tsukino for Hinata?

If we are childhood friends like we had been before, that might have been fine. But now I know…

Tsukino has always been in love with me.

Tsukino is so single-minded that she still loves me, who still can’t forget my first love for Hinata.

Ahh, that’s right. It is obviously impossible for me to not go out with Tsukino now.

Because I’ve come to love Tsukino—as much as I love Hinata.

“…I’m sorry, I know it’s a cruel choice for Yuto.”

Gently, Tsukino pushed my body. My mind is so occupied with these thoughts that the slightest push would push me back.

“I want to go out with Yuto, but I don’t want to hurt Hinata-san. I’m not going to ask you to choose one of us, so…”

As I leave Tsukino’s room, she says so with her somewhat sad eyes.

“Let’s remain being childhood friends for now, shall we? For my sake, for Hinata-san’s sake, and most importantly for Yuto’s sake as well.”

“Tsukino…!”

Tsukino closes the door as if to kick me out of her room. I am left alone in the painful silence.

When Tsukino asked me if I can choose between the only two options, I can’t bring myself to choose one of them.

Because I don’t want to hurt anyone.

My acts are contradicting with my dream. I want to be someone who can make everyone smile like my mother. How can I, who is only aiming to do that, chose a path that caused Hinata and Tsukino so much pain.

Why am I such a weak person?

What am I supposed to do—No, that’s not it.

“…what do you want me to do.”

Your voice was so small and weak that I can’t believe it came out from your mouth.

Maybe I don’t deserve to be next to Hinata and Tsukino after all.