After I Picked up a Notebook Filled With Intense Emotions, the Girls Started Acting Strange

◇

Today again, I managed to collect the empty bottle he drank from. That makes five. I’m so happy.

Some people might think it’s just trash, but to me, it’s a treasure. Because he touched it. Thinking that the water that quenched his thirst was once in this bottle… my heart races, and it’s hard to breathe.

And his clothes. His smell. I can’t resist it.

The soft scent of detergent mixed with his own warmth… just smelling it drives me crazy. If I don’t smell it regularly, I feel like I’ll lose my mind.

That’s why I secretly collect his things and feel pure ecstasy.

Just like other girls feel happy wearing jewelry, I drown in his scent. And it’s more than enough to make me feel complete.

But when I see him laughing with another girl, my mind goes blank.

It’s impossible. I can’t stand it.

He belongs only to me. I won’t give him to anyone. I’ll keep watching until he notices me. Even if it takes years, even decades.

For him, I don’t care what I sacrifice.

My future, my friendships, my honor… none of it matters.

Because his happiness is my happiness.

His smile is everything to me.

Even if the whole world becomes unhappy, it’s fine if he alone is smiling. That is the truest happiness.

◇

I crossed my arms and stared at the plain notebook labeled “Ethics,” trying to figure it out.

Sena-san said she didn’t remember losing it.

It made no sense at all.

The day after the notebook was in her bag… thinking back, that was the day our interactions started to increase.

That morning, Sena-san had been frantically searching for something in the classroom. I remember hearing her say she’d lost the notebook. So why…?

“This is like a horror story.”

A chill ran down my spine from this strange situation.

This notebook isn’t cursed or anything, right?

If I asked the other two, would they also say they didn’t know?

Either way, I had to act.

I remembered realizing my feelings after we had been apart, the longing I felt during that time we couldn’t meet, the emotions when we reunited, and the thoughts I had about her.

And then the things I did, sneaking into her house and taking things she didn’t need under the guise of throwing them away.

“…”

Yeah, this notebook was dangerous.

Could anyone else have done what I did?

But the other two didn’t seem like the type. Only Sena-san, my childhood friend, could have entered the house like that.

Well, it’s hard to say for sure.

“Oi, Shiomi. Why are you spacing out without even opening your notebook?”

“…I’m sorry.”

In front of me was a tough-looking man with a face like an owl—Koyama-sensei.

Right now is Ethics class.

In front of me was my own notebook, not that mysterious one.

But I had been staring blankly while not paying attention to class, and was lost in my thoughts.

I screwed up.

“Alright, what is utilitarianism? Explain it.”

I tried to focus on the blackboard behind the owl-like teacher, but he seemed to block my view.

“Too bad, it’s not written on the board.”

Then why block me?

Yeah, it’s my fault for not listening, but that’s why I’m unpopular! I thought angrily to myself.

Then I remembered something I had heard before…

“Um… It’s about thinking first about what makes the most people happy… something like that?”

“Boring, but basically correct.”

The teacher nodded slightly and returned to the board with chalk in hand.

“Utilitarianism is the idea of ‘the greatest happiness for the greatest number.’ In other words, even if one person suffers, if many people are made happy, the action is considered right.”

The classroom murmured.

“So it’s okay if just one person suffers?”

“That sounds kind of cold.”

I heard someone say, the teacher continued.

“You might feel that way. That’s why utilitarianism has both supporters and critics. Should we focus only on the results, or should we protect each person’s rights… that’s a big question in ethics.”

The sound of chalk stopped, and silence returned.

I had seen this somewhere before.

And now I clearly remember where.

─For him, I don’t care what I have to sacrifice. His happiness is my happiness. It is the only true happiness.

It was written in that notebook. I had once looked into it to understand the owner’s thoughts. What I found then was exactly what we were learning in class now.

My chest felt cold.

Greatest happiness for the greatest number?

That didn’t matter at all. What those words really meant in that notebook was the exact opposite. In a way, it was an extreme form of utilitarianism that believed total happiness comes from sacrificing everything for just one person.

…This isn’t just heavy. It’s insane.

◆

I finished class in a drained mood and returned to the classroom.

Next to me, Kuroe-san was already sitting and reading a book after having finished her other class.

As always, her cold eyes were fixed on the pages. She flipped through them quickly, so fast that I wasn’t sure if she was really reading. Page after page went by.

And now and then, she would glance subtly in Shindou’s direction.

“Is something wrong?”

“Um.”

“Is there something on my face?”

“N-no…”

Kuroe-san kept reading without turning toward me at all. I had thought I was being subtle while watching her, but it seemed obvious.

“You were taking an Ethics class?”

“…Ah, yeah.”

Do her eyes have some kind of side vision? But, is it even okay to ask that?

My hands started to sweat without me realizing it. A strange tension washed over me.

“I was wondering. Have you seen my Ethics notebook since then?”

“I-I haven’t.”

So that’s the direction this is coming from!

Even as I internally scolded myself, my heart kept pounding faster and faster.

“Is it strange that I’m looking for an Ethics notebook even though I’m not taking the class?”

“…Can you read minds?”

“…”

“Um.”

“……”

An insect.

Wait, no. Complete ignoring. No doubt, she probably thinks I’m nothing but a bug.

She still didn’t even glance at me. Am I really that unworthy of attention?

Being ignored this much is strangely refreshing.

Whether she can’t hear me, or thinks I’m not worth listening to, she didn’t care and kept flipping through her book, page after page.

“—!”

Then, she suddenly closed the book and turned her body toward me.

Her eyes looked straight at me. So pure and clear, I felt like I could be drawn in.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you think I’m looking for the Ethics notebook?”

……!!??!?!!?

She lifted the corners of her mouth slightly and gave me a faint smile.

Is this some kind of riddle?

When I froze, Kuroe-san spoke again.

“The notebook I’m looking for isn’t mine.”

“…Huh?”

“It belonged to a girl who died long ago. I didn’t need it, so I tried to throw it away, but no matter how many times I did, it always came back to me.”

“Th-That…”

“Exactly. A cursed notebook. I have to get it back before someone ends up unhappy.”

Suddenly… This turned into some horror story or occult tale.

Please don’t tell me I’ll start seeing a death god or something, like a yandere reaper.

And seriously, don’t lose such a dangerous notebook.

“Just kidding. It’s only a joke.”

“…”

Huh. Kuroe-san can joke…

It’s really just a joke, right?

“I’m only studying it because I’m personally interested. That’s all.”

“By the way… the notebook’s contents are normal, right?”

“Of course. It’s only about ethics. I want to focus on my book now, so that’s the end of the story.”