A Story About How I Ran Away After Being Rejected By My First Love - Chapter 8

It was Sunday. Today was the day that I needed to give them the thing.

I dressed up in a perfect blend of cool and casual outfit. I wore a black leather jacket, slightly worn-out but still stylish. 

Underneath my jacket, I wore a simple dark gray graphic tee with abstract design and dark jeans, the kind that hugged the legs without being too tight. For shoes, I wore high top sneakers. 

On my neck, I wore a simple silver chain that added a bit of touch – not too flashy but just enough to add some personal character.

The sun had already set long ago and the soft glow of neon lights lit up the streets as I made my way to my workplace.

The “Blue Note”.

It was a small, dimly lit venue that had become a haven for musicians. It’s where the most promising musicians came to play with intimate sets. I hadn’t been here much as compared to last year, but it was still the same as ever.

As I entered, the bar was packed with people, the conversations hummed in the background blending with the low bassline that came from the speakers. The stage was empty for now as the performers were still preparing for their gig.

I made my way to the counter, where “Master” was brewing cocktails. 

“Hi, Master. Anything good happened lately?”

“Ohh, K-san. It’s been awhile. Nothing really. The band was as chill as ever. Though, Nana was quite upset that you weren’t showing up lately.”

“Sorry. I’ve been busy with school.”

“Well, you know Nana. They’re in the back preparing for their set.”

Music was my refuge. During the time I was a nobody and being bullied, I found solace in writing and composing songs. This was the way I expressed the pain, confusion, isolation, and frustration that I couldn’t tell anyone aloud. 

Those constant days of loneliness made each day feel heavier than the previous and by retreating to my room after school gave me time to create music.

Every laughter and insults thrown at me, every pain and taunts they gave me – it fueled me to create each chord, note and words for my music. 

“Echoes.” 

The first song that I composed.

It was a song that carries the raw, outpouring pain that the intense emotions that built up from inside of me. A rock anthem full of anguish and frustration, with each note bleeds the weight from my experiences.

Its lyrics were simple but powerful, capturing the alienation and helplessness I had felt during those painful days.

“Alone in the crowd / Shadows call my name / But no one turns around / I’m lost in the blame.”

It reflected my loneliness, my helplessness. There was no one to help me, no one to save me. No one except me. That’s why the final verses went along like this.

“I won’t break, I won’t fade away/ I’ll fight through the dark, I’ll burn through the night! / I’m more than just an echo, I’m the fire in the light!”

This song was my outlet, where I poured my heart out.

It wasn’t easy creating music alone.

I utilized a Digital Audio Workstation (DAW), a mixer and an electric guitar that I bought little by little by saving up my allowances.

I had the internet as my teacher, learning the basics of playing the electric guitar. 

After months of practicing in middle school, I was able to get the hang of it. Then I slowly strummed each chord, finding the perfect one to match the swirling darkness on my mind. 

Besides the electric guitar, I used synthetic sounds in order to create my very own music.

I recorded the guitar, the drums, and the vocals part by part and combined them. My voice roared, strained. The frustration and anger seeped through. 

The whole journey has been an arduous one. 

After creating my first song, I uploaded it to cloudsound, a free music streaming platform. 

I uploaded it with the intent of sharing it to someone who was feeling the same way as me. And there started my journey of being a composer. 

My account alias was “K”. Well as you’ve guessed, it’s short for my name, Kenta. 

A lot of people listened to it and it became one of the hottest songs at the time.

However, I remained hidden from the eyes of many. They’ll probably just bully me when they find out that I was an ugly, dorky ass pig. That was during my lowest of low in middle school.

However, during the second half of my first year in high school, I received an email that caught my attention.

It came from a band called “Silent Rebellion”.

They were a band composed of only three members and asked in the email if they could do a cover of my song. 

At the heart of the band was Nana. She had a fierce, full of emotion and a rebellious voice that captivates a person. Their music reflected themes of defiance, personal struggles and resilience. Every audience that heard Nana’s voice struck a chord deep into their heart.

However, that’s when she was on stage.

From then on, our conversation went through email until I decided to meet them in the early days of my second year in high school.

“K, where have you been all this time?”

In contrast to her powerful voice, Nana was small and petite in stature. She had a delicate appearance, one that you wouldn’t expect from a college student. 

“Hey Nana, focus on your own work. Welcome, K-san.”

The one who said that was Riku. He had shaggy black hair that fell to his eyes. He was the band’s guitarist. Compared to Nana who is always full of energy, he had a calm and almost laid-back demeanor.

“Yeah, Nana! Stop bothering K-san!”

“I’m not bothering him. Shut your mouth Kaito before I punch your guts out!”

“Scary, scary~.”

The one who playfully teased Nana was Kaito. If Riku was the calm and collected type of person, Kaito was the same as Nana, the type of person that is full of energy. He played the role of drummer and he played it furiously, hitting the drums hard enough to make the stage shake. 

“Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my plate. You do know I’m still in high school, right, Nana?”

“Kuh, can’t you just drop out? Let’s tour the country and live off from that.”

“You know I can’t do that. Well, I promised to join you guys on this set.”

“If you screw up, you’re dead and will perform with us whenever there’s a gig up.”

“So, what songs are we gonna play?”

“Echoes, Blame and Jealousy.”

The three songs that Nana-san mentioned were all composed by me. As for my role, I played the second guitarist and the backup singer for the band. You could say I’m a ghost member since I don’t appear on stage. 

“Will you still wear your bunny mask?”

“Yeah. I don’t want anyone finding out who I am.”

Whenever I stepped on stage with Silent Rebellion, I always wore my signature mask. This mask mostly covered my face creating an air of mystery around me. 

It was my way of protecting myself. Whenever I am wearing this, I feel like a different person. I could play without holding back and I have the confidence to do stuff that I can’t do before. It hid my vulnerability.

After preparing backstage, Kaito tapped his sticks, signaling it’s time to hit the stage. 

“Alright! Silent Rebellion. Let’s tear this place apart!”

With Nana-san’s powerful voice that rallied us, we stepped onto the world of music. Nana-san’s voice exploded as the world around us faded into oblivion.