A Story About a Suicidal Girl Who Attempted Suicide But Got Hindered, and Was Taken Out to Play - Chapter 3
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- Chapter 3 - An Ideal Life
Chapter 3: An Ideal Life
The next day, I tried the Ouroboros silver watch.
Speaking from the conclusion, it was true that I could turn back time.
Holding the silver watch in my hand, I pondered on the time I wished to return to, my consciousness was cut off, and when I realized it, I had turned back in time.
It happened in the blink of an eye, not much different from changing television channels. The first time I tried it, I was like an idiot waiting to see if a magic circle or something would appear. So I was slightly disappointed by how easy it was.
Once used, it cannot be used again for another 36 hours.
Not only will you not be able to turn back the time, but the second hand will stop and it won’t function as a normal watch. After 36 hours, the second hand will start moving again and automatically set the time. In other words, you can only turn back the time when the second hand is moving.
I hadn’t fully believed the reaper’s story until I actually rewound the time. If the time hadn’t turned back and the Grim Reaper showed a sign with the word “surprise” written on it, I was planning on throwing the silver watch at her.
But I wasn’t just doubting the matter of the silver watch.
It’s regarding my lifespan
It wasn’t until I went back in time that I truly realized that I was going to die in three years.
“Do not regret giving up my lifespan……huh”
I smiled remembering the last piece of advice the Grim Reaper gave me.
I had no regrets.
I felt relieved.
“I’m going to die in 3 years anyway.”
Just saying that made me feel free. After knowing that I only have 3 years left to live, I began to think about how I would spend my day, which was undoubtedly better compared to the time when I was actively thinking about suicide.
At the time, I was also surprised by my own change of heart and some might definitely find it strange that I can be so positive after giving up my lifespan.
However, I believe it’s not that strange now.
There’s a reason for why I think that way.
When I started to think about suicide, I had researched on the topic on euthanasia several times.
There are several countries where euthanasia is allowed according to my research. Fundamentally, only patients with terminal illnesses have the privilege to do so. In some countries, permission is only granted only after the pain becomes unbearable, but wherever it is, it is used as a last resort to relieve suffering.
I once read an article that said, “Some terminally ill patients have been able to maintain their will to live until the end of their lives thanks to euthanasia.”
In an article introducing the merits of euthanasia, it was mentioned “Some patients think that if they are going to face a painful end without any sort of pain relief, they would probably lose their will to live and eventually wish for death before they suffer too much.”
I had a strong impression that the article was written with some sort of bias towards euthanasia but I nodded my head in agreement when I read the article’s content.
Anyone would be scared of the uncertain future. Especially when you can clearly see a cliff in front of you.
I was also the same.
I don’t really like other people, and living just feels like I’m dashing on top of a needle. I can’t imagine a bright ending waiting for me in the future and I’m not that confident enough to think that I can reach my goals. That’s why I considered suicide in order to protect my mental health and in order to not suffer anymore.
It was more reassuring to me to know that I have three more years to live. It seemed much easier than living a life with no dream or goals.
Of course, that was the purpose of the Silver Watch of Ouroboros. “Now that I have this watch, I’ll abuse it until the day I die.”
The first thing I came up with was something anyone could think of.
I’ll spend as much money as I can, and then turn back time when I run out of money.
No matter how much I play in the arcade, spend the morning to night in the movie theater, or even if I ate as much as possible, I will never lose money if I turn back time.
However, I will eventually have to turn back time to the moment before I spent the money. It might work as a change of pace, but it won’t do as a time-killer.
The other points of dissatisfaction are the time after I rewinded time. I won’t be able to keep the things I bought. And the amount of money I can spend is too little for a high school student.
And so the next step is to make more money.
If I turn back the time 24 hours back, I will be the only one who knows what will happen a day from now.
I figured I could gamble and make as much money as I wanted.
First I memorized the lottery winning numbers and then I went back in time and tried to see if the winning numbers were still the same. I hoped this method would be the quickest way to make money but as it turned out, the results were different from the winning numbers from the time before I turned back time.
I also tried horse-racing, but the rankings here were often different after I rewound time, and so, it was difficult to win regularly enough to make more money.
From this, it became clear that rewinding time does not lead to the same future.
I’ll just start over.
It’s like how you don’t necessarily get the same results every time you roll the dice. The lottery and horse race works in the same way. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the results will be the same as the time before the time was turned back.
The only outcome that rarely changes is the stock market.
There were times where the results changed in the stock market. But unlike the lottery, which is completely random, the results are harder to change since there is a lot of human involvement in it.
Originally I wanted to buy it myself. But I couldn’t since minors have to get the consent of their parents/guardians. I didn’t get along with them and I didn’t want to ask them for their consent.
First of all, I kept going back in time over and over again to write about future fluctuations on an internet forum. Before I knew it, words got out that I was hitting the target and when I got enough attention, I stopped writing about the future fluctuations. I recruited people to help me by offering them a share as a reward for buying on my behalf, and I found them easily.
I sent them instructions via email to hit the target, and in no time I earned a lot of money. It was more than I could spend in three years.
The first thing I bought with the money was an apartment room.
I chose a room on the top floor of a twelve-story apartment building that happened to be vacant. It was far from a luxury apartment, but I wanted to get away from my parents, with whom I had a bad relationship, as soon as possible, so I was happy to live anywhere as long as I could live alone.
My relationship with my parents wasn’t as simple as “not getting along”, but due to the fact that they were foster parents. From the time I was taken in, we couldn’t get along and kept our distance from each other, resulting in a mutual dislike of each other.
I’ve never had any family-related memories, and have always thought of them as strangers. Not many people would feel at home in a house with strangers. For me, it was a very big deal to be able to live alone.
And now that I had graduated from high school, which I tended to skip, I was completely free.
I don’t have to work to buy what I want and I can eat whatever I want. I have a home where I can be alone without having to spend time somewhere else. And most of all, I can live without seeing anyone.
It was truly an ideal life.
This was the only time where I had fleeting doubts. I was worried that I would regret giving up my life span and wish I had more time to live.
But that was only at first.
No matter how ideal one’s life is, you will eventually be stuck in a rut if you repeat the same day everyday.
The games didn’t last long, and I was getting tired of eating the pizza and sushi I used to order every day. I went out for a change of pace, but my aversion to strangers wasn’t still cured, so I immediately went back to my apartment. I looked for something new to do but nothing caught my interest.
It took less than 6 months for my ideal life to turn into a boring one.
I couldn’t imagine what would have happened if I had lived a normal life without giving up my lifespan.
No matter how many decades I could’ve worked, I would never be able to live anywhere near where I am now. In fact, I would have committed suicide much sooner. Even if by some miracle I could make it to my current life, it would be like this.
This must be the best life possible.
It’s not a matter of regretting giving up or not regretting the decision to give up my lifespan.
How could I regret this?
I would like you to tell me if there is any reason for me to regret this.
I made the right decision in accepting the exchange with the Grim Reaper.
I was already convinced at that time.
But as the boring days passed without changing. I agonized over those times when I could only wait for the time to pass.
An event that changed this situation occurred on Christmas, exactly one year after the deal with the Grim Reaper.
I was spending Christmas alone again this year. The only difference from last year was that I was at home instead of on the bridge.
I suddenly wondered how long the snow that had started falling in the evening would continue to fall, so I turned on the TV to see the weather forecast. While I was waiting for the weather forecast, I watched the evening news program, but it was full of unnecessary information for me, who has less than two years to live starting tomorrow.
There was only one news report that got my attention.
“A junior high school student was found dead under a bridge”, was what the report said.
The body was found that day, and the name and mug shot were not released. They said that they were investigating both the incident and the suicide, but they seemed to be saying that it was definitely a suicide by jumping.
No matter how apathetic I became due to my reduced lifespan and how indifferent I usually am to the world, I would still care if someone talked about a suicide.
But, that’s not what I was really worried about.
The bridge where she jumped from was the same bridge where I made a deal with the Grim Reaper.
That bridge was shown on television.
To commit suicide on the same bridge where I made the deal. As soon as I interpreted it that way, I was filled with a feeling of delight.
I thought to myself that it was crazy to be happy about someone else’s suicide. Still, I felt an uncontrollable surge in my heart, knowing that there were others of my kind.
I wondered what kind of person the girl who committed suicide was, and how she felt when she jumped. I forgot to look at the weather forecast and could not stop thinking about it all night.
I still couldn’t forget about it by the next day so I decided to go to the bridge as a distraction.
I hadn’t been to the bridge in months. Originally, I only went there when I wanted to be alone, and since I started living alone, I didn’t really need to go there anymore.
It was still within walking distance from where I moved in, but the snow that kept falling until midnight hadn’t been plowed in some places, and so it took a long time to get there.
The bridge I hadn’t visited in a long time seemed bleaker than I remembered.
It seemed that she jumped from the middle of the bridge, the sandbar directly below was surrounded with police tape. There were bouquets of flowers and other offerings in the vicinity of where she was thought to have jumped from, but there was no altar.
From the top of the bridge, I peeked at the point where the police tape had been put up.
There are countless craggy rocks and stones spread out below. At night, it’s pitch black and looks like a bottomless pit, but in reality, it’s a delicate height where it would be difficult to die instantly without falling headfirst. It would be…… horrifying if you were conscious for a while after jumping.
As I looked down, a group of four middle school girls walked towards me.
At first, I thought that the classmates of the girl who committed suicide had come to make some kind of offering. However, the four of them happily picked up their cell phones and started taking pictures of the suicide scene.
Eavesdropping on the conversation, I could tell that they were delighted with the girl’s suicide, saying things like, “She’s finally gone,” and “I’ll never have to see her face again.”
I’ve expected that the cause of her suicide was bullying, but I haven’t expected that the perpetrator would come all the way to the scene of her suicide.
As I listened to the conversation of the four girls beside me, black emotions such as “disgusting” and “repugnant” started swirling in my mind, but I could only feel guilty when I condemned them in my heart, as I was happy to see the girl’s suicide.
The four of them laughed at the scene of the suicide for a while and then left, looking as satisfied as if they were on their way back from a visit to an amusement park.
Alone on the bridge, it was as silent as before.
All I could hear was the sound of the stream and the wind.
Looking down at the suicide scene, I saw the police tape being blown by the wind and is making squeaking noises, but not enough to block the sound of stream.
It was the same space as when I used to go there, a world where everyone except me had disappeared.
When I thought about the girl who committed suicide, I really felt like I was the only one left in the world.
I felt something similar to a sense of loss.
Even though I tried to not get involved with other people, I did experience it several times in the past.
It was a similar feeling.
As I have no family or friends, strangers are either “people I can live with or without” or “people who make me feel uncomfortable.
Even though I have never met her before, even though I didn’t know her face, just the fact that she was a suicidal person was enough to make me feel close to her.
That’s why I was feeling so emotional,
“I’m going to rewind time and prevent her from killing herself.”
That’s how it all started.