A Story About a Girl Who Took Life for Granted and Fell in Love With a Kind and Introverted Boy - Chapter 34

…After I returned home, I began flipping through Kenji’s old photo album.

I spread the album open on the desk in my room and carefully looked at each photo, as if to etch them into my memory.

“…Hehe.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of little Kenji munching happily on a bunch of rice crackers. Not chips or chocolate, but rice crackers—it felt so typically Kenji.

His facial expression hasn’t changed at all since back then. If Kenji were to shrink down to that size again, I’d recognize him immediately.

“…Huh?”

My eyes were suddenly drawn to a particular photo.

It was a picture from the entrance ceremony at his kindergarten. Several children stood in a row with their guardians behind them. Kenji stood at the far right, looking down shyly.

A sticky note was attached next to the photo with a handwritten note:

“April 5 – Hoshizora Kindergarten Entrance Ceremony”

“Hoshizora Kindergarten…? Wait a second. That name sounds familiar…”

With a growing suspicion, I began scrutinizing the faces of the children one by one, narrowing my eyes to focus better.

And then…I found her in the middle of the photo.

“Ah! It is!”

The realization made me cry out in surprise.

It was unmistakably me.

Standing there with my hands on my hips, wearing a cheeky grin. My young mother was standing right behind me, so there was no doubt about it.

“No way…! So, Kenji and I went to the same kindergarten?!”

My exclamation echoed through the room.

(Seriously? But I don’t remember Kenji at all… Well, we weren’t close back then, so I guess that’s normal. But wow, we’ve been connected since then? Wait…what about elementary school?)

I flipped through several pages of the album, searching for photos from Kenji’s elementary school entrance ceremony. Toward the back of the album, I found the picture.

In front of the gate marked “Miyanaga Elementary School,” Kenji stood at attention.

“Miyanaga Elementary School, huh? Hmm, that’s different. I went to Tatsuoka Elementary School, so…yeah, I guess it was just kindergarten we shared.”

It seemed like kindergarten was the only time we coincidentally crossed paths. For a moment, I thought we might have attended the same elementary school, but that wasn’t the case.

(Still, it’s amazing that we went to the same kindergarten. I wonder if Mom remembers this?)

Clutching Kenji’s album, I dashed downstairs. In the living room, Mom was folding laundry while watching a drama.

“Hey, Mom! Do you remember Kenji being in the same kindergarten as me?!”

“Huh? Kenji…? Oh, you mean Saito Kenji, the boy you always talk about?”

“Yeah! Look at this photo!”

I opened the album and showed her the entrance ceremony photo, pointing to Kenji at the far end.

“Here! That’s Kenji! And look, I’m right in the middle!”

“Oh, you’re right. There’s Kana. So that’s young Kenji, huh?”

Mom took the album from me and began flipping through it.

“Where’d you get this album?”

“Kenji’s mom lent it to me. I wanted to see Kenji’s childhood photos.”

“I see…”

“Do you remember Kenji at all, Mom?”

“Well…hmm. I think I might, vaguely…”

Mom squinted at Kenji’s childhood face, studying it closely.

“Oh, wait. I do remember! Oh, so that was little Saito-kun!”

Mom suddenly pointed to another photo. It was from a kindergarten field trip.

The children were lined up at the top of a mountain with their teachers, all flashing peace signs at the camera. However, I wasn’t in the photo.

“Huh? Why am I not in this one?”

“Oh, that day you got a stomachache and had to leave early. I had to come pick you up and take you home.”

“Really?”

“The kindergarten called me and said, ‘Could you come get Kana?’ So I rushed over in the car and found you curled up under a tree, clutching your stomach.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Next to you was little Saito-kun, rubbing your back and asking, ‘Are you okay? Do you want to go home?’ with such a worried look on his face.”

“…………………”

“When I saw that, I thought, ‘Oh, Kana’s got a good friend looking out for her.’ I still remember it.”

“Wow…I don’t remember any of that.”

“Well, you had just turned four. It’s not surprising you don’t remember.”

“…………………”

I stared silently at young Kenji’s photos. The sight of little Kenji, so sweet and caring, filled me with even more affection.

“What did you say? Kenji and you went to the same kindergarten?”

The next day, I returned the album to Kenji’s mom and told her about the discovery.

As usual, I sat on a small chair beside Kenji’s bed, where he still lay asleep.

“Yeah. I don’t remember much from back then, so I never imagined we’d been in the same kindergarten.”

I handed the paper bag with the album to Kenji’s mom.

“Thanks, Kenji’s mom. I really enjoyed learning about Kenji’s childhood.”

“…………………”

Kenji’s mom placed the album on the floor by her feet. In a quiet voice, she muttered, “I see.”

…Outside, snow continued to fall. The wind seeped through the room, rattling the window frames from time to time.

“Why did you and Kenji break up?”

Suddenly, Kenji’s mom asked me the question.

“Yesterday, you said this: ‘I still like Kenji, but I don’t know how he feels.’”

“…Yeah.”

“Does that mean Kenji broke up with you?”

“…………………”

I swallowed hard, my gaze fixed on the sleeping Kenji.

What should I say? How should I answer?

It’s true that Kenji broke up with me, but it was undoubtedly my fault. I couldn’t lie about that, could I?

But…what would Kenji’s mom think if I admitted it? She might yell at me.

(Still…hiding the truth isn’t the right thing to do, is it?)

I mulled it over in my head repeatedly. Finally, I made up my mind to answer her honestly.

Placing my fists on my lap, I let out a deep breath.

“…It’s my fault.”

“………………”

“If I’m being completely honest… At first, I confessed to Kenji with a lie.”

“A lie?”

“It was…a punishment game with my friends.”

“………………”

“And then, Kenji found out about it… He completely lost faith in me.”

“………………”

“At first, I confessed to him just because of the game—I didn’t have any feelings for him at all. But after spending time with him, I fell more and more in love… So I’ve regretted that confession ever since.”

“………………”

At least, I managed to say what I needed to. Now, I just had to see what Kenji’s mom thought about it.

“………………”

Kenji’s mom didn’t say anything. The silence was unsettling, even scary. My hands started to sweat, and I couldn’t calm down.

But no matter what she said, I wouldn’t regret it. I had done what I believed was right. Whatever her reaction, I wasn’t going to leave Kenji’s side.

“…I see. So that’s what happened.”

About five minutes passed before Kenji’s mom finally replied. Bracing myself for the scolding I was sure was coming, I steeled myself—but in the end, she didn’t say anything more.

Beep, beep, beep, beep…

The sound of Kenji’s heart monitor echoed faintly through the room.

Whoooooosh…

The wind outside whispered softly against the window.

“…Well, I’ll be heading home now.”

Kenji’s mom stood up, taking the paper bag with her.

“What’s your name?”

“Huh?”

When I turned to face her, she was staring at me, her expression unreadable.

“What’s your name?”

“…Tashiro Kana.”

“I see. Then, Tashiro-san. If Kenji says he doesn’t like you, what will you do?”

“………………”

“You said you love him, but you don’t know how he feels, right? If he tells you he doesn’t feel the same, what will you do?”

“…If that happens…”

“………………”

“…If that happens, I’ll quietly step away from Kenji. And from a distance, I’ll pray for his happiness.”

“!”

Kenji’s mom’s eyes widened in surprise. But only for a moment.

Her face quickly returned to its neutral expression, and she replied simply, “I see.”

Without another word, she placed her hand on the door and left the hospital room.

Vroom, vroom, vroom…

I was on the bus, heading home from Kenji’s hospital room.

It was an awkward time—around four in the evening—so I was the only passenger.

“………………”

As I sat on the bus, I looked at a letter in my hands.

It was a letter I had found at home the other day, while sorting through Kenji’s belongings. It had slipped out from between the pages of a book.

The sender of the letter was Kenji’s father—in other words, my ex-husband.

To Yuriko,

If you’re reading this letter, it means you haven’t completely cut ties with me.

First of all, thank you. I appreciate it.

I’m writing to tell you that I’ll be leaving for Germany soon. I probably won’t return to Japan.

We’ve been through a lot together, haven’t we?

Do you remember our first date, when I took you to the library? You were so surprised, saying, “Huh? A library for a first date?” I can still clearly picture the look on your face.

After we separated, you developed severe Behçet’s disease and must have struggled a lot raising Kenji on your own. I feel truly sorry that I couldn’t be there for you during the hardest times. I’ll continue to support you financially, so please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need help.

Yuriko, you probably hate me now, like you would a disgusting bug, but I still love you, just as I always have.

I won’t ask you to trust me again—I have no intention of saying such a thing. But I wanted to convey my feelings properly. I couldn’t leave Japan without doing that.

I didn’t want to lie to myself about my love for you.

Take care of yourself. I’ll always pray for your and Kenji’s happiness from afar.

Sincerely, Shinji Saito

“………………”

Pray from afar.

Those words reminded me of Tashiro-san from earlier.

“I’ll quietly step away from Kenji. And from a distance, I’ll pray for his happiness.”

“………………”

I let out a deep sigh and folded the letter into quarters. Then I slipped it into my wallet.