A Story About a Girl Who Took Life for Granted and Fell in Love With a Kind and Introverted Boy - Chapter 13

…September 1st. Summer break had come to an end.

Dragging my heavy body along, I headed to school. I’d never felt this unwilling to go to school before in my life.

I’m shy, an introvert, and I don’t have many friends, but fortunately, I’ve never been bullied. So, I’d never experienced that sense of dread—thinking, “I don’t want to see that person at school,” and feeling my steps grow heavy.

“…………”

The idea that I’d ever not want to see Kana, someone I once loved so much, never even crossed my mind.

If I could, I’d tell myself it was all just an illusion. Those days with Kana were nothing more than a dazzling mirage of summer…That’s what I want to believe.

But that’s impossible. Every time I think of Kana, my heart hurts so much it makes me want to cry. That pain and sadness are proof that those joyful days were real.

Buzzing of cicadas in the distance…

As I listened to the cicadas, I looked up at the summer sky. There was a large cumulonimbus cloud off in the distance, and somehow, it felt achingly beautiful. It looked so close yet no matter how much I reached, I couldn’t touch it.

It was like a mirage that lures me in.

Like a fleeting summer dream.

—

“…Well, with summer break behind us, we’re now in the second semester. Everyone, let’s get ready for a fresh start,” the homeroom teacher said, speaking to us at the start of class. But the words didn’t stick in my mind at all.

My seat was in the row by the hallway, fourth from the front. Kana’s seat was two seats ahead of me to the left, so her back was in my field of view.

That alone made me think of her constantly, whether I wanted to or not.

“…………”

Every now and then, Kana would glance back in my direction. And inevitably, our eyes would meet.

“…!”

But as soon as our eyes met, she’d quickly look forward again. We went through this same exchange several times.

—

On the first day of the new semester, there weren’t any classes; it was just a simple assembly and homeroom, so the day ended early. By 11 a.m., we were free to go home.

“Hey! Let’s go to karaoke!”

“Yeah, let’s go!”

The classmates still clinging to the summer vibe were already buzzing with excitement as soon as homeroom ended.

I tried to slip out of the noisy classroom with my head down.

“Kenji!”

I heard someone call out to me, and I knew instantly it was Kana, even without turning around.

I stopped walking and remained silent. Kana kept talking to me, determined to get through.

“Kenji…um, can we…talk somewhere? Just the two of us.”

“…………”

“Can’t you make time? Please, I’m asking you.”

“…………”

Slowly, I lifted my head and turned to face her fully.

Kana bit her lip and looked straight at me.

“Hey, Tashiro! Are you free today?”

“We’re all going to karaoke—want to come along?”

Right then, some boys from our class invited Kana to karaoke. They were the friendly, energetic types you’d imagine when you think of popular people.

“Um, well…I…”

As Kana hesitated, they looked over at me.

“Oh? It’s Saito! Yo!”

“…Hey, long time no see.”

“Hey, are you interested in karaoke? If you are, you should come too!”

“Me?”

“Yeah! Are you free?”

“…………”

Looking at their friendly invitation, I glanced over at Kana. She was standing silently, holding her breath.

“…No, I’ll pass. I’ve got something I need to do today.”

“Seriously? That’s a shame!”

“Thanks for inviting me. Have fun, everyone.”

With that, I turned away and walked alone, my shoulders slumped in the crowd.

—

Leaving school, I began my walk home, staring at the ground as I went.

“Now then! What’s the next request?”

As I stopped at a red light, a car beside me had its window open, and I could hear a radio playing.

“Ah, up next is Off Course’s ‘Signs of Autumn’! It might be a little early, but this song is perfect for everyone coming back from summer vacation!”

“Now, here’s Off Course with ‘Signs of Autumn’.”

“…………”

The song began to play from the car, and I listened to it in a daze.

Before I knew it, the light had turned green. The car with the open window had already driven off.

I slowly began to move forward again.

“…Hah…hah, hah, hah!”

Just then, Kana caught up to me, running alongside me, breathless and with sweat on her forehead. It looked like she had chased me from school.

“Tashiro…”

“Kenji…I, um, I…”

“Why didn’t you go to karaoke? They invited you, so you should’ve gone.”

“I didn’t want to…because I wanted to be with you.”

“Those people are more cheerful, brighter, and honestly, more amazing than me. They even talk to me so casually…You should spend time with people like that, not someone like me.”

“…Hey, Kenji. Are you mad?”

“…………”

…I ignored her question completely and kept walking.

“Hey! Wait! Wait, Kenji!”

“…………”

“Please, listen! Listen to me…to my story…!”

Kana’s voice echoed from behind. I closed my eyes, pretending not to hear, and sped up my pace.

“Ouch!”

“…Huh?”

But suddenly, her voice changed to one of pain. I turned around to see Kana’s condition.

It seemed she had tripped on the edge of the sidewalk and had fallen, sitting there on the ground.

“…………”

For a brief moment, I thought about going to her. She might be hurt, after all. But…I didn’t. I turned my body forward and kept walking. It’s fine. I don’t need to worry about her. After all…Kana had been deceiving me all along. She lied to me, played with my feelings. There’s no reason…not even a single one…

…Not even a single one…

“I want to graduate with you, Kenji, so I’ll work hard.”

“…………”

The more I closed my eyes, the more her smile appeared behind my eyelids.

That fake smile, meant for me.

But it was so blinding…and it’s still etched into my heart.

“…………”

I turned back and ran toward Kana.

I was disgusted with myself. Why am I so soft-hearted? Why do I always end up pulling the short straw?

…But I couldn’t help it.

“Kana.”

At the sound of my voice, she looked up at me with surprise.

“…Is your leg okay?”

“…………”

“It looks like you didn’t hurt yourself. Here.”

I offered her my hand. She took it and slowly stood up.

“…I’m glad you weren’t hurt, Kana.”

“…………”

At those words, she pursed her lips and started to cry.

“Ugh…ugh…”

“…………”

I didn’t do anything. I just stood there, watching her cry, without moving a single finger.

If things were different, I might have rubbed her back or held her gently. But…right now, I’m not that kind.

“Kenji…Kenji…”

“…………”

“You…you called me…’Kana.'”

“…………”

It was only then that I realized I had called her by her name.

“…It’s just a habit. A habit I can’t shake.”

“…………”

“…Sorry, but…I…I can’t…with you anymore…”

“…Kenji.”

“Hm?”

“I love you…I love you so much.”

“…!”

Kana looked straight at me. Her teary eyes didn’t even try to hold back the flood of tears as she spoke.

“I love you, Kenji…”

…To escape her gaze, I turned my back on her.

Then, leaving her crying there, I walked away, pressing down on the sharp pangs of guilt in my chest.

(…It’s not fair, Kana.)

Don’t say you love me now.

Don’t look at me like that.

It makes me want to believe in you. It makes me want to accept your words.

But I can’t anymore. I’m too afraid. What if it’s just another game to toy with me? That thought haunts me. If this, too, is a lie, then I’ll truly be broken beyond repair.

So…so…

“…………”

I bit my lip.

An unusually cool breeze for this time of year swept past my feet.

The end of summer had arrived.