The Strongest Farmer in Another World ~I'm a "Farmer", Not a Demon King! ~ - Chapter 450

The Strongest Farmer in Another World ~I’m a “Farmer”, Not a Demon King! ~

Chapter 450   From someone who was once a doll

After the party ended, I came alone to the throne room.

If you ask why I came to such a place, there’s no particular reason. I just wanted to contemplate, and if I had to specify, I thought this place, which makes me aware of being a king, was just right for that.

“Mom seemed happy.”

While sitting on the throne, I closed my eyes and recalled the scenes from a moment ago. She would smile at me and Filia, and she was always a cheerful person, but today’s smile was of a different quality.

Well, it’s natural. The affection directed towards a child and the affection towards a spouse are different things.

But in any case, she seemed very happy.

“Dad, I’ve never seen him smile like that.”

Dad was also laughing unusually, but being able to laugh like that was probably because he had ‘comrades.’

Comrades… I don’t have that right now.

There were people I thought were comrades until recently. However, due to my selfish thoughts, they are no longer a relationship that can truly be called ‘comrades.’

I was too selfish, not thinking about others. As a result, I made Bell cry and caused frustration for Sofia and Kyle.

Now, I’ve somehow managed to return to “business as usual,” but it’s not a true return in the real sense. It’s just a façade.

To truly return to normal, I need to face it and communicate my thoughts properly. And I can’t keep postponing it like this. It’s reached its limit around here. If I continue to procrastinate, any confrontation later will lose its meaning as the feelings become too diluted.

Above all, when there is a significant event like this, it’s the perfect opportunity to talk. Thanks to the atmosphere around, it’s easier to take a step when doing something different from usual.

If I miss this timing, knowing myself, I’ll likely become hesitant again and unable to move forward.

But how should I bring it up? If possible, it would be better to convey it today…

“What happened? Why the troubled expression?”

As I was pondering, Sofia approached from the passage beside the throne. I was too engrossed in my thoughts to notice her approaching, and no matter how much contemplation I was doing, I had let my guard down.

“Sofia? … Weren’t you serving? How about Kyle and Bell?”

Sofia was supposed to be in charge of serving during this event. And the same was expected of Bell and Kyle.

Nevertheless, why is there only the presence of Sofia?

“If those two are occupied with Lilia, then I am accompanying Vesnar-sama. I cannot leave you alone, being the king and all, so I am here.”

Well, I am the king after all. There might be times when I let my guard down, like now, so it’s necessary to have at least one person by my side.

“I see. …So, about what you mentioned earlier, what kind of expression do I have?”

“It’s a face as if you’ve been abandoned, something like that.”

“I see…”

It seems I had a rather pathetic expression. Well, I was aware of it myself.

After all, my current self looks incredibly uncool. It’s a story of how long I’ll keep whining and worrying.

I know that. — But I can’t take the next step.

“Neither Lady Rieta nor Lord Volke would abandon you just because they got married.”

“Yeah, I understand that. So, I’m not concerned about that. …What I’m concerned about is something else.”

It’s just right, or so to speak. Talking to all three at once makes me a bit hesitant, but facing each other one-on-one like this,

“I’ve been thinking I need to say this for a while. At that time, I said terrible things to you guys. I decided things selfishly without listening to your opinions, acted as I pleased, and then abandoned you. I caused trouble and made you sad. You guys aren’t just dolls who listen to my words. I couldn’t even realize such obvious things. It took talking to Granny for me to finally realize. I find myself too pathetic.”

I clumsily spill out the poorly organized thoughts in my heart.

Continuing the conversation like this, I probably won’t be able to say anything sensible anyway.

“So, I won’t do something like that again. From now on, I’ll properly listen to your opinions, consider your feelings, and then, I’ll try to change my selfish self.”

And with that, I put into words my desire to ‘change myself’ and conveyed it to Sofia.

“—Selfishness. What’s wrong with that?”

“Eh…”

However, in response to those words spoken with a serious expression while being stared at, I was left speechless.

Because, isn’t it true? I never expected to hear such words coming back at me.

Considering it’s Sofia, I thought she would just smile and forgive me as usual.

Yet now, I am being glared at by Sofia.

Sofia approached me slowly, and when she came in front of the throne, she knelt there.

“Being excessively selfish may be a problem, but if one only thinks about others too much, that person loses their own individuality. They might even be called dolls. A clumsy ‘doll’ who only thinks about others, never expressing themselves. I don’t want you to become like that.”

Sofia’s words, spoken while looking straight at me.

I tried to say something in response, but I couldn’t find the right words, and my voice wouldn’t come out.

While looking at me in such a pathetic state, Sofia continued speaking.

“I’ve mentioned this before, but I was drawn to you because you behave as you like. Not minding others. What’s wrong with that?”

What’s wrong with that… but if that’s the case…

“Vesnar-sama, when you said you abandoned us at that time, that’s not true.”

Not true… but, I didn’t take you guys with me, did I? I discarded the opinion of going together, and I went ahead alone. Isn’t that considered ‘abandoning’?

“If you grab onto a dangling rope and it breaks, what do you think? Do you blame the rope, or do you blame the person who provided the rope…? I believe it’s the fault of the one who was holding on but couldn’t climb. If there’s a destination, a goal, or a wish, you should have desperately climbed. It’s foolish to expect someone holding the rope to pull you up and take you to the top. That’s just ridiculous.”

The ‘rope’ she mentioned is probably me.

“At that time, we weren’t abandoned; we were just too slow in climbing the rope. Because we couldn’t climb to the top, that’s why it turned out that way. As evidence, Lord Volke is standing by your side. He climbed to great heights without needing any rope. It only seems like people are being pushed away and discarded because they can’t keep up with you. That’s all.”

Certainly, if my father was with me at that time, I would have easily agreed to go together. Even Kyle and the others, if they had the strength of my father, or at least as much as Eddie, I think they would have gone with me.

…But then, what should I do?

Feeling that I was inadequate, I wanted to change myself. But according to Sofia, that’s a mistake. Wasn’t I right at that time? Wasn’t I wrong?

But then, why did I have such a sad expression at that time?

“My feelings are different from the others. Bell and Kyle probably just want to be by Vesnar-sama’s side genuinely. Even at that time, they lamented not being able to be by your side.”

“…Are you different?”

“Of course, I feel sad and resentful not being able to be by your side.”

Sofia stopped talking there, still kneeling, clenched her fist, and furrowed her brow.

Seeing that expression, I can’t help but think that maybe I am wrong. But…

“However, the reason is not that I can’t be by your side.”

Sofia shook her head and spoke in that manner.

“Not being able to leave something lasting in your heart. I do find that truly sad. However, it’s not because you are at fault, but rather because I am at fault for not leaving a wound deep enough to stay in your heart. If you find it resentful, it’s me who can’t become an existence worth caring about that is truly resentful.”

From Sofia’s words, I could feel an atmosphere that truly suggested she thinks she’s resented.

“Regardless of what others think, one should follow the path they have chosen. That is a wonderful thing. I couldn’t do that. Not just because I was given the ‘farmer’ profession. I’ve always lived being conscious of the eyes around me. Let’s do our best for our parents. Let’s not show a disgraceful figure for the sake of our siblings. Let’s not betray everyone’s expectations. I lived with such thoughts.”

This is a story from when Sofia was still a noble’s daughter living at home. I’ve heard it before, but this time, the story feels much heavier compared to before. The emotions must be that intense.

“The result of that is here. Surely, if I could live without expecting anything from those around me, I would have walked a different path. When I was abandoned by my parents, instead of despairing and giving up, I would have tried to enjoy life, even if I had to escape.”

Sofia declared this firmly, took a moment to look up at the sky as if exhaling softly, then returned her gaze to me, shook her head, and continued speaking.

“But in reality, it’s different. Due to thinking too much about those around me, I gave up everything on my own and became pessimistic about life. From my perspective, someone who doesn’t think about those around them and simply follows their own path looks radiant. I can even admire that figure, always advancing innocently.”

Speaking while kneeling and clasping her hands, Sofia looked as if she was praying.

“If you’re not thinking about those around you, then I will. By your side, I will think about all the mundane matters that you should be thinking about. So, you can just be yourself. Don’t try to overthink and wander, and don’t try to head towards being a ‘doll.'”

But that wasn’t a prayer; it was a plea from someone who used to be a ‘doll’ in the past.